Camping is Funner with Friends
by Little Lady Kunimitsu
Summary: Nightmare drags Tira along on a camping trip with him. What could possibly go wrong? Let's just say a lot....
1. Madness begins

Little Lady Kunimitsu: Boy...I sure do like to keep starting new series...

Nightmare: Ya think?! You have like...two other stories your working on as well!

LLK: I'm sorry Nighty! But once I get an idea I have to write it down or else I'll forget about it! Besides...with my other two stories, I'm already almost half way done with both of them! But I have the crappy notepad thing and have to wait till I go to my friends just to type up one of the stories.

Nightmare:...Oh...I didn't know that. Is there something you want me to do?

LLK: Just do the disclaimer...

Nightmare: OK then...Little Lady Kunimitsu does not own the characters of Soul Calibur.

LLK: Thank you Nightmare.

Tira yawned as she walked downstairs into the kitchen. When she got there, she looked up at the clock.

"Damn! It's only ten o' clock," she sadi. "I thought it was noon..."

She grabbed a box of cereal, poured it into a bowl, poured some milk into the same bowl, and ate. As soon as she sat down at the table, Nightmare waltzes into the kitchen in his SCIII 1P outfit.

"Good morning, Tira!" he said cheerfully. He held out hims for a hug but Tira declined and continued to eat. He stood quiet for a few seconds before speaking. "Tira...what are you wearing?"

She stopped eating for a second. "My pajamas...duh!"

"No your not! Your just wearing a skimpy tank top and your underwear!"

"So?"

"Do you want me to go to jail?! Your not eighteen yet! If people see you looking like that, they'd think I'm a pedophile!!"

"...And?"

"I don't want to end up like Raphael! Remember him? He had that twelve year old girl living with him and she never came out of his house. You know what happened to him?!"

"...He got sent to jail?"

"He got sent to jail!!"

"But Nightmare...I'm your room mate...NOT YOUR KID!!"

"But I don't want to take any chances!"

"...Whatever," Tira said as she took another bite of her cereal.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU TEENAGERS!!" Nightmare yelled before storming out of the kitchen.

Tira rolled her eyes and finished up breakfast.

After breakfast, Tira changed into her clothes and appiled her make-up. Wearing her SCIV 1P, she looked around the two story house for Nightmare. She went into the garage and flicked on the light.

"Dammit! Turn off the light!"

"Opps...sorry, Nighty." Tira said as she turned off the light.

"What are you doing? Turn the light back on!"

Tira growled and turned the light on...again. Nightmare's stupid, ugly yellow car was in the garage and Tira guessed he was behind it.

"Nighty...what are you doing?"

"Tira!" he said as he walked to the other side of the car. "I'm going camping!"

"With who?"

"With my bestest buddy in the whole wide world!"

"Hm...Astaroth?"

"Hehehe...no silly! You!"

"W-what?!" Tira said as she started to tremble.

"You heard me! I thought we needed to spend more time together...so, I decided that we should go on a camping trip!"

Tira faints. Nightmare, on the other hand, is clueless but knows Tira fainted.

"Um...Tira. Are you OK?"

Nightmare dumps a bucket of cold water on Tira and she wakes up.

"We're...going...camping?" she asked, clearly distressed.

"Yes we are! Now get into the car!" Nightmare said as he opened the rusty door of the car.

"How about...no!" Tira said she slammed the door shut.

"How about...yes!" He said as he opened the car's door again.

"No!" she said as she slammed the door shut.

Nightmare took a deep breath. Then, he got an idea.

"Tira..."

"What?"

Nightmare held up a crossword puzzle book. Tira's eyes as she looked at the book.

"Oooo...Gimme!" Tira said as she tried to grab the book. Nightmare held it up higher so she couldn't get it.

"You want it?" Tira nodded her head. "Then go get it!"

He threw the book into the car and Tira went after it. Nightmare quickly got into the car and locked the doors of the car. He started the car, crashed through the garage's car door, and went out on the road.

"Your a cheeky bastard..." Tira growled as she buckled her seat belt.

"Well, I got you in. And now you will enjoy this trip!"

"Whatever..."

And the car drove down the highway...Into the horizon.

A/N: I know it's that funny...but it will eventually. Please review and no flames. 


	2. On the Road to Madness

Little Lady Kunimitsu: Welcome to the second act of "Camping is Funner with Friends"! Here to help me with today's disclaimer is Tira!

Tira:...

LLK: Tira...you OK?

Tira:...Yeah...

LLK: Can you please do the disclaimer?

Tira: (Sigh) Little Lady Kunimitsu does not own the character of Soul Calibur...happy?

LLK: Very much so...thanks Tira.

Nightmare was driving his ugly litttle yellow car down the highway. He and Tira have been sitting silently in the car for two hours. While he was driving on the wrong side of the road, Tira was looking out the window.

"...Are we there yet?" Tira asked.

"Well, it's suppose to be a ten hour drive according to the map so...no!"

Tira let out a loud groan and went back to looking out the window. Nightmare sighed and got an excellent idea.

"OK, Tira. Let's play a game! I'm thinking of a person."

Tira sighed. "Male or Female?"

"Male"

"It's Lizardman..."

"N-Wait! How did you know?"

"Because I can here you thinking..."

Nightmare growled and went back to "concentrating " on his driving. So far, in ten minutes, twenty cars went into the ditch because of Nightmare's driving.

"Um...Nightmare..."

"What is it Tira?"

"I think you should get back on the right side of the road..."

"Why? I'm not causing any harm!"

"Twenty cars are in the ditch...Opps, make that twenty-one now..."

"Nonsense, Tira! The cops aren't after use so that's good!"

Then, the good ol' red and blue lights were seen in the rear view mirror and the police sirens were going.

"Oh, great...Tira, act natural."

"Hehe, you know I will!"

Nightmare pulled over to the side of the road and so did the police car.

Then, the cop got out of his car and walked up to Nightmare's window. He tapped on it and Nightmare rolled it down. It was none other than Officer Maxi.

"License and registration please." Officer Maxi said.

Nightmare glard at him and handed him his license. Maxi examined the license once...then once again for the hell of it.

"Excuse me sir...This license expired like...200 years ago."

"Yeah...so?"

"Your license is expired."

"I know that!"

Officer Maxi looked into the car. "Why is there a little girl in your car?"

"I'm not a little girl!" Tira snapped. "I'm his room mate!"

"Don't worry, little girl! We'll get you out. Don't be afraid."

Nightmare opened his door.

"Sir...sir get back into your vehicle..."

Nightmare ignored the cop and went to his trunk.

"Sir...I don't want to use lethal force..." Officer Maxi said as he got his nunchucks in his hands.

Nightmar opened his trunk and pulled out his hude sword.

"Sir...What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to kick your ass!" Nightmare siad as he held his sword high in the air.

"Sir...ARGH!!" Maxi yelled at Nightmare beated him up and then killing him in the end.

Nightmare quickly hid his sword in the trunk, got into the car and drove off. Tira was distracted by the crossword puzzle book Nightmare taunted her with to get into the car in the first place.

"Let me guess...you killed that guy and took his wallet..." Tira said with out even looking up from the book.

"How did you know?"

"I could hear the screams of pain..."

"Oh..."

Five hours later...Tira finished the book and is bored out of her mind.

"Nighty...are we there yet?"

"For the last time...no!"

"Can we listen to some music at least?"

"The stereo hasn't worked in this thing for like...twenty years."

Tira groaned and looked outside again. A little bird flew by the window...then got shot by a hunter.

"Tira..."

"What?"

"...Did you get your period yet?"

"What?!" Tira blushed.

"You heard me! Did you or did you not?!"

"I'm not telling you!" Tira yelled.

"C'mon Tira! Just tell me!"

"Hell no, pervert!" Tira said as she punched him.

"Ouch! Tira! I'm not a pervert!"

"Then why did you ask me a dumb question like that?!"

"Because I want to know what's going on with you! You never tell me anything anymore!"

Nightmare let go of the steering wheel and hugged Tira. The car started to swurved all over the road.

"Nightmare! Let go of me and get back to your driving!"

"Oh shit!" Nightmare let go of Tira and went back to the steering wheel.

Tira, who was still recovering from the past incident, looked over at Nightmare.

"How the hell did you get your license?!" She asked.

"Um...the Internet."

"The Internet has not been around for 200 years. Let alone a computer!"

"...Tira, just go back to your crossword puzzle."

"I finished it..."

"Well then...just sleep till we get there..."

"But I'm not tired."

"Then...shut up."

"...Whatever." Tira said as she went back to looking out the window.

A/N: What do you think? I hoped you liked it. Next act, they finally get to the campsite and even more madness unfolds! And now...you people know what to do. Review and no flames, please. 


	3. We're here!

Little Lady Kunimitsu: I'm doing the disclaimer today! Ahem...I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does!

* * *

"Oh, Siggy," Tira siad. "Your so sexy!"

"Yeah...I get that a lot."

Tira and the blonde, German hunk were laying on a bed, in their undergarments, in an enchanted forest. The sky was blue and the birds flew around. Ocassionally, a little deer would prance by the bed.

"So...you wanna do it now?" Tira asked seductivly.

"You know I do," Siegfried answered in the same tone.

He wrapped his right arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She closed her eyes as she drew closer to kiss him. As Tira pressed her lips on his, she felt something cold. She opened her eyes. Azure armor. She looked over at the arm that was around her. It was a weird looking deformed arm. It was not Siegfried anymore. It was Nightmare who she just kissed!

Tira screamed and pushed Nigtmare away. Nightmare cocked his head cutely to the side.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she yelled.

"What are you talking about, aweetie?" Nightmare asked innocently.

"Why are you calling me "sweetie"?!"

"Doesn't every married man call his wife "sweetie", honey?"

"Married?! We're not married! Your my master and I'm your servant!"

"Yes we are! We married ten years ago and we have eight kids!"

"Your joking..." Tira chuckles nervously. She looked down at her left hand to see a golden wedding band on her ring finger. Tira turned around and saw a picture in a frame. On that picture was Nightmare, Tira and eight little creatures that looked like them.

"T-that's not true...that's impossible!" She yelled.

Nightmare got closer to her and wrapped his arms around her body.

"It is true. Now, make sweet love to me!"

Then, the screch of tires stopping were heard and intrupted to mood.

* * *

"AHHHH!!" Tira screamed as she quickly sat up.

Nightmare looked over at her.

"Um...I know that this isn't any of my business but...are you OK?"

Tira, who was sweating nervously, looked down at her left hand. No wedding ring was on it. She took a sigh of relief and looked over at Nightmare.

"Yeah...I'm fine. Just had a weird dream." She looked out the window and saw trees all around the car. "Where are we?"

"We're here!" Nightmare said as he tried to open his door but the door would not open. "Why isn't this blasted door opening?!"

"Ever tried unlocking it?"

Nightmare growled, unlocked the door and kicked it open. Tira opened her dooor and stepped outside. In front of the car was a blue lake.

"This is where we're staying?" Tira asked.

"Yep!" Nightmare answered cheerfully.

"You drove ten hours just to come here?"

"Yes. And your point is?"

Tira rolled her eyes. "Nevermind..." She walked over to the lake's edge and kicked a pebble into the water. She looked back at Nightmare, who was now holding a weird circular bag. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to put up the tent! Now, will you help or not?"

Tira growled and walked over to Nightmare. He dropped the bag and handed her a paper with drawing on it.

"...What's this?"

" It's called an instruction manual...or paper. I don't know. Just read it!"

"...Whatever." Tira held the paper with one hand and began to read it. "It says put poles "A, B, C, and D" into the ground."

"How the hell does a pole have a letter on it?!"

Tira took one of the poles out of his hand and pointed to the sticker that was on the pole.

"Oh...I knew that." He sadi before pouning the four poles into the ground with Soul Edge.

"Couldn't you just use a hammer?"

"Um...what's a hammer?"

Tira slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand before going on.

"OK...now you find pole "E" and "F", criss-cross 'em and put them on top of the poles you already pounded into ground."

Nightmare nodded and did exactly what Tira said.

"OK...now you put that water-proof tarp thing over the poles."

Nightmare looks around for the tarp."Um...I can't find one."

"Are you serious? Keep looking!"

Nightmare continued to look in the bag. "It's not in here!"

Tira marched over to him and ripped the bag out of his hands. "You men are hopeless..."

She looked into the bag and only a little moth flew out.

"Where the hell is it?!"

"Um...I loaned this tent to Lizardman before we came here and he might've kept the tarp for himself..."

"You're serious..."

"...Yes."

Tira slapped him with the bag. "Now what are we going to use to cover this?! It's almost time for bed and it's going to get super cold out tonight!"

"Ouch! When you're done hitting me I can tell you my idea!"

* * *

"You're serious, right?" Tira asked as she looked at the tent.

"Yep! Positive! It's not water-proof but it'll work."

The poles was now covered by a blanket with little images of Soul Edge on it. (A/N: It's one of Nighty's blankies!)

"Where the hell did you get that?" Tira asked.

"I got at one of Cervante's garage sales." He answered cheerfully.

"...Figures." She said as she grabbed her sleeping bag and walked into the tent.

Nightmare stood still for a few moments then walked into the tent.

"Tira, I-" He stopped speaking. Tira was just about to take off her clothes but stopped to look at Nightmare.

"...Get...out..." She said evily.

"Right away!" Nightmare said before running out.

He waited outside for five minutes.

"Nighty! You can come in now." Tira yelled.

"...Fine." He answered quietly.

Nightmare entered the tent very slowly with his eyes covered. Tira, who was laying in her sleeping bag, tilted her head to the side.

"I'm not changing anymore..."

Nightmare removed his hand from his eyes. "...I see."

Tira fluffed up her pillow and layed her head on it as Nightmare got into his sleeping bag.

"'Night, Nighty!" she said as she turned the lantern off.

Nightmare stared up at the tent's ceiling. '...I saw Tira's side-boob...Sweet!'-he thought to himself.

"Goodnight Tira..."

* * *

A/N: Hehehe...I love the dream part for some reason. Poor Tira...Anyway, review and no flames please.


	4. Look! Neighbors!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does!

A/N: I know I usually have the characters and I interact with eachother during the disclaimer but I don't feel like it again today!

* * *

It was the early morning and the sun was just begininng to peak it's bright face over the horizon. The birds where out and chriping already. But their beautiful morning song was being drowned out by Nightmare's loud snoring.

Tira was already wide awake and staring at the little images of Soul Edge on the blanket that is being used as the "water-proof tarp". Thanks to Nightmare, she hardly got any sleep. She was lying on her side and covered her ears if her pillow. Sadly, she could still hear Nightmare snore. (A/N: It's better than him talking in his sleep...)

"Why the hell didn't I just sleep in the car...?" Tira asked herself quietly.

Nightmare slowly sat up and yawned. He looked over at Tira and placed his normal hand on her shoulder.

"Good Morning, Tira!" He said cheerfully, with a hint of tiredness in his voice.

Tira growled out something that sounded like 'Good Morning Nighty...'

Nightmare tilted his head to the side. "Tira...you OK?"

Tira slowly sat up, her hair all messed up. She slowly turned her head to look at Nightmare and tried to smile a happy smile. Instead, it looked like a 'I'm going to kill you' smile.

"I'm peachy...how are you?" She said trying to stay "happy".

Nightmare looked into her blood-shot eyes. "Tira...were you drinking last night?"

"No...I was sleeping next to you all night long."

"But you look as if you hardly got any sleep."

"I didn't because you were snoring all night long..."

Nightmare's eyes narrowed. "I was not..."

"Yeah you were! You were snoring so loud that you probably scared the fish in the lake!"

"They're just jealous..."

Tira got up.

"Where are you going?" Nightmare asked.

"I'm going to change...Where can I do that?"

"Um...Behind a bush?"

Tira grabbed her clothes and walked out of the tent. Nightmare sat in the tent and twidled his thumbs.

Five minutes later, Tira walked back in her SC IV 1P outfit.

"Nightmare, when are going to change?"

"It's kind of hard to take the armor off because of my sexy arm." Nightmare said as he held up his deformed hand.

Tira rolled her eyes and walked out of the tent once again. Nightmare followed soon after. The sun was already high in the sky.

"Look at that Tira...Isn't the outdoors beautiful?" Nightmare asked as he wrapped an arm around the girl.

"It's nice..." she muttered.

Nightmare gasped and ran up to the lake shore. "Look at that Tira! A turtle!"

He pointed at a giant, mean looking turtle who was still sleeping in the sand.

"Um, Nighty. I think that turtle is a snapping turtle."

"Nonsense Tira! It's perfectly harmless." He said as he walked up to the turtle.

"Nighty, I-"

"Tira! This turtle is harmless."

"It's eyes are open..."

The turtle was glaring at Nightmare.

"Watch! It won't bite me!" Nightmare began petting the turtle. "What a nice turtle!"

The turtle lifted it's head up and bit Nightmare's deformed hand.

"Ow! Dammit!!" Nightmare yelled as he ran around with the turtle still clinging to his hand. "Tira! Get it off! GET IT OFF ME!!"

Tira watched Nightmare run around with the turtle biting him. A cute little smile came across her face as she watched her master's anguish.

The turtle let go of Nightmare's hand, hissed at him and went into the lake. Nightmare rubbed his deformed hand and blew on it.

"There, there my sexy hand..."He said gently to his deformed hand. "That mean ol' turtle won't ever hurt you ever again..."

At this point, Tira was laying on the ground laughing very hard. Nightmare glared at her.

"Stop that!" Nightmare yelled at her. "Now fetch me the first aid kit!"

When Tira was done laughing, she did just like her master ordered her to do. She zipped the red bag open and pulled out a few bandages.

"Wait! Aren't you suppose to spray something first so then my hand won't get infected with germs?!"

Tira looked at his deform hand then back at his face. "It already looks infected..."

"But it was an animal bite! What if that creature had rabies?!"

"Then we'll pray that you got a rabies shot." Tira said as she wrapped a bandage around his hand.

"Since when did you know first aid?"

"I don't know! Blame the writer!"

"...Stupid writer..."

"How does it feel?" Tira asked when she finished with the bandage.

"...It's OK. But I missed my deformed hand."

Tira punched his head and went into the tent. Nightmare rubbed the spot Tira punched him.

"Your mean!" He yelled at her.

"I know I am!" she yelled from inside the tent.

Nightmare was now looking at the water. He was watching the pretty blue water ripple as a gentle breeze blew. He let his mind wander and imagined he was a fish. Swimming in a deep sea with other fish that looked just like him...

The sound of a car horn was heard, shattering Nightmare's day dream. A nice looking red car parked right next to Nightmare's piece o' junk yellow car. Two figures step out of the car, a male and a female.

"This is such a pretty place!" the female said. "Oh goodie! We have neighbors, too!"

"I think I see one of them now, sweet heart!" The male figure said. He began waving at Nightmare. "Hiya, neighbor!"

Nightmare glared and shoke his fist at his newly found neighbors. "This our spot!"

"Oh, isn't that swell? He's waving at us to come say hello!" the lady said.

"Let's go say hi!"

The two walked over to Nightmare.

"Hello, new neighbor! My name is Xianghua."

"And I'm Kilik."

"...Nice to meet you. I'm Nightmare..." Nightmare muttered.

"Don't you think this place is beautiful Mister Nightmare?" Kilik asked.

"It was OK till you two got here..."

"Oh, Nightmare is such a long name. Can we call you "Nighty"?" Xianghua asked.

"No! No one calls me that!" Nightmare yelled.

"OK then! We'll call you Nighty!" Xianghua said cheerfully.

"Nightmare," Tira asked poking her head out of the tent. "Who's here?"

Xianghua gasped. "Your not alone?!"

Kilik looked at Tira and motioned her to come over. Tira shrugged and walked over.

"Is this your kid?" Xianghua asked as she pulled on Tira's cheek.

"Ouch!" Tira slapped Xianghua's hand. "I'm not his kid!"

"So...are you married?" Kilik asked.

"No!" both Nightmare and Tira said.

"I'm his room mate..." Tira said.

"Oh..."Kilik said. "Well, we're your neighbors now!"

"That's right! We're celebrating our ten week anniversery!" Xianghua said before kissing Kilik on the lips.

"Good for you..." Tira growled.

"We honestly don't care." Nightmare added. "Now can you leave us alone?"

"Sure we will!" Kilik answered cheerfully. "Besides we need to set up our campsite. We're having a BBQ tonight. Do you wish to join us?"

"Sure!" Tira and Nightmare answered.

"That's awesome!" Xianghua said. "Buh-bye now!"

The two waved and walked over to their car.

"Well...at least we'll get free food." Tira whispered to Nightmare.

* * *

A/N: Now that Tira and Nightmare have neighbors, hopefully the story will pick up. But, anyways, thanks for ready! I know this chapter isn't that funny but I promise that the story will start to pick up now.


	5. Dinner with the Neighbors

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does! And I don't own Jem either.

* * *

"OK, Tira. We're having dinner with the neighbors. So that means we have to try to be as normal as we can!"

"But Nighty! We're not exactly "normal"."

"What do you mean by that?"

"For starters, you have a deformed arm-claw thing. The only wardrobe you have is that azure armor. And you have freaky glowing red eyes!"

"Well, your not that normal either! You have sudden mood swings. Your hair went from green to brown. And you have purple eyes! Is that even normal?!"

"...I don't know. Blame the creators!"

Tira and Nightmare stepped out of the tent and walked over to Kilik and Xianghua's little camp area. Despite how much the two already dislike the happy couple, they were hungry and didn't feel like cooking the food they brought with them.

"But Nighty..." Tira whispered as they were almost at their neighbors sight. "We don't even like them!"

"Well then, we'll just pretend we like them!" He whispered back. As he was talking, he pulled a tin container covered with tinfoil out of his armor.

"What is that?"

"Oh this? It's a special food I made!"

"Oh no...don't you remember what happened to your guests last time you cooked?"

"Um...Refresh me."

Tira sighed and began telling the story.

* * *

It was a cold winter day about two years ago. Nightmare, wearing his SC II 1P outfit with an apron around his waist, was working very hard in the kitchen. He was stirring something in a pot that was on the stove. Tira, in her SC III 1P outfit, walks in and sniffs the air.

"Mmmm...That smells good!" She said as she walk over to Nightmare. "What cha cooking?"

Nightmare continued stirring the food. "Oh, nothing."

Tira tried to get a taste of the food but Nightmare slapped her hand with the spoon he was using.

"Ouch!" Tira yelped as she placed her one hand over the one Nightmare hit. "Why can't I have a taste?"

"Because we're having company coming over," Nightmare said as we went back to stirring. "And I want this to be perfect!"

The doorbell rang and there was a knock on the door.

"There here!" Nightmare said happily. "Tira! Be a dear and get the door!"

"...Fine," She said before leaving the kitchen.

Tira looked out the window to see who was there. One person was a man with purpleish skin and wore a crazy pirate outfit. The other person was a woman who had silver hair and wore some bondage gear that exposed a large portion of her breats.

"Great...It's Cervantes and Ivy..." Tira muttered before going to the door and opening it.

"Finally you opened the door," Ivy said. "I was getting cold..."

"I wonder why..." Tra replied quietly.

"Hello Tira!" Cervantes said cheerfully to the teal hair girl. "Is Nightmare here? He invited me and my lovely daughter over for dinner."

"I'm in the kitchen!" Nightmare yelled. Soon enough, he ran out of the kitchen, with is apron still on, and stood next to Tira. "Hello Cervantes! And Ivy...you look very beautiful today."

"I didn't even want to come but dad dragged me along with..." Ivy mumbled.

The timer in the kitchen went off.

"Oh! That's the turkey!" Nightmare squealed. "Please come in and make yourselves at home. Tira will take good care of you."

Nightmare ran back to the kitchen, leaving Tira with the guests. Cervantes and Ivy walked in and Tira shut the door. They went to the living room. Ivy sat down in the comfy chair and Cervantes sat n the couch. Tira followed and sat on the love seat. The three sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Well," Cervantes said ruining the silence. "I'm going to see if Nightmare needs help. You two try not to kill eachother.

Cervantes left the room and headed to the kitchen. Ivy and Tira sat in the room quietly and stared at eachother.

"...So...Do you play dolls or something?" Tira asked.

"I have a "Jem" doll that I left at home." Ivy answered.

"Oh...That's cool. Do want with mine?"

"Not really..."

"Oh...OK then..." Tira said before the two sat quietly again.

Five minutes later, Nightmare burst into the room.

"OK ladies! Dinner is served." Nightmare announced.

Tira and Ivy got up and went to the dining room. As they entered the room, the aroma of the food was in the air and made everyone's mouth water. A large brown turkey was on the table. Also on the table was a container filled with mash potatoes and on the opposite end was a container filled with gravy.

"Everyone grab a plate," Nightmare said. As Tira grabbed a plate, Nightmare placed a hand on her shoulder. "Tira, you have to sit at the kiddie table."

"What?!" Tira complained. "But there is enough room at the older table!"

"But, Tira, your not eighteen yet. Now, please sit at the kiddie table." Nightmare pointed at a small table in the corner. The table was yellow and plastic. A small green chair chair, also made of plastic, was right next to it.

Tira glared at Nightmare, got her food and went to the kiddie table.

After everyone finished eating, Tira got the dishes and cleaned them. Nightmare, Cervantes, and Ivy were talking.

"You people want dessert?" Nightmare asked.

"Sure!" Cervantes answered. "I'm still hungry."

"...I guess so," Ivy mumbled.

"Good!" Nightmare said. "I shall fetch it then."

Nightmare got up from his seat and went to the kitchen. Tira, who was still angry about not sitting at the grown-up table, continued to wash dishes. Nightmare walked up to her.

"May I help you?" Tira asked without even looking at Nightmare.

"You want dessert? It's double layered chocolate cake. I added a special ingerdient to it!"

"No thanks..."

"Why?" Nightmare said sounding kind of like an annoying little kid.

"I'm busy..."

"...Fine." Nightmare walked over to the counter and got the cake, which was in a tin container. "If you want any, it'll be out here."

"...Alright..." Tira said.

Nightmare walked out of the kitchen and back into the dining room. He set the cake down on the table.

"Crap I forgot a knife. Tira, Can you-"

Tira throws a knife that stuck into the wall behind Nightmare. Nightmare walked over to the knife and pulled it out.

"Um...thanks Tira."

"That girl of yours had some issues..." Cervantes said.

"She's just cranky!' Nightmare replied. He made cut into the cake with the knife, made two pieces and placed them one two plates. He handed one plate to Ivy and the other to Cervantes. "I hope you two enjoy it!"

Ivy and Cervantes took one small bite. After seeing that they weren't dead, they ate the rest of the cake in large bites. After finising the cake they took more and more, until it was all gone.

"Mmmm...That was some good cake!" Cervantes said as he placed a hand on his stomach.

"I hate to admit it but...it is pretty good," Ivy said.

Tira was standing in the doorway.

"Hey Nighty. What was the secret ingerdient?" Tira asked.

"Yeah, Nightmare. What is it?" Cervantes asked as well.

"You're not going to beileve it...but I used laxitives! Isn't that sweet?" Nightmare giggled.

"You WHAT?!" Ivy asked with a little bit of anger in her voice.

"You heard me! I put laxitives in the cake."

"You didn't! You-Oh crap! I need to go!" Cervantes ran upstairs to the bathroom. Ivy chased after him, needing to use the restroom as well.

Tira walked over to Nightmare.

"Smooth..." she said before walking back to the kitchen.

"But what did I do?!" Nightmare yelled.

* * *

"...And that is why the Cervantes and Ivy hate us so much." Tira concluded

"Yeah...so?" Nightmare asked.

"...Nevermind." Tira groaned. Tira looked around the campsite and there was no sign of Kilik or Xianghua. "Where are they?"

"Hello neighbors!" Xianghua said jumping out of nowhere making both Tira and Nightmare jump. Xianghua looked at what Nightmare was holding. "What do you have there?"

"I brought the green bean casserole" Nightmare said cheerfully.

Tira rolled her eyes. Kilik, wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron, walked over to his girlfriend, Tira and Nightmare.

"Hello, neighbors!" Kilik said. He looked over at Tira, who was glaring at him. "Hello Tira. Turn that frown upside down!"

"Bite me!" Tira snapped. Nightmare slapped the back of her head. "Ouch! What did I do?"

"Tira...I said you need to be nice," Nightmare said to her. He got close to her and whispered in her ear. "I promise, later you can steal some of their food."

A little misceivious smile came on Tira's face. She shook Kilik's hand.

"Hello to you too, neighbor!" Tira said in a disturbing happy manner. She squeezed Kilik's hand and made him yelp a little bit.

"H-hello, Tira!" Kilik said to the crazy girl who was shaking is hand. "Can you please stop? I feel like your trying to rip my arm off."

Tira left go of his hand and continued to smile like a demented clown. Kilik grasped his hurting hand with his other hand and smiled.

"Are guys hungry?" he asked.

"We sure are!" Tira said, still in the disturbing happy tone.

"Um...OK then," Kilik replied nervously. "Please, come this way. The food will be done in a little bit."

Kilik went over to the grill and continued cooking the food. Tira, Nightmare, and the girl with the hyperactivity disorder sat down at a picnic table that was near the tent. (A/N: If you guessed it by now, I don't really like Xianghua. For some reason I think she is really, really, really annyoing. No offense to you Xianghua fans.)

"So...how did you two meet?" Xianghua asked Nightmare and Tira, who was still doing the creepy smile.

"Well...It was along time ago," Nightmare said reminicing. "I was walking my dog one night. Suddenly, my dog stopped and I ran into it. I yelled, 'What's your problem?! Can't see I'm trying to walk you?'. Then, I heard a high pitch whining noise that sounded like crying. My dog barked and ran into a nearby ally. I fell face first and the mutt dragged me for a while. The crying got stronger as we went further into the ally. When the dog stopped running and I was able to get up, I looked into the closest trash can and I saw a beautiful baby girl. I picked her up and she stopped crying. She opened her eyes and I gazed into her violet peepers. She pulled at the horn that was on my helmet and she giggled. I laughed and tickle her tummy. She stopped laughing, glared at me and bit my finger."

"Awww...That is so sweet," Xianghua said.

"That's not the end of it," Nightmare said contiuing the story. "When I brought her home, I had to think of a name. The first name I came up with Sally. The baby glared at me. The next name I came up with was Josie. She glared at me again. The thrid name I came up with was Kitty. Well, the baby clearly didn't like that name and bit my finger, again. After I put a bandaid on, I looked at the baby one more time. 'Tira...do you like that name?'. Luckily the baby smiled and clapped her hands. 'Then I'll call you Tira!' I carried baby Tira with me to the roof and held her up in the air with my good hand. 'You hear that world?!' I yelled. 'Nightmare has a new servant! And her name is Ti-Ow!' She bit my hand and I lost my balance. Me and Tira fell off the roof. Tira landed in a very soft bush while I landed on my collection of large, pointed rocks."

"That is sooooo cute!" Xianghua said wiping a tear away from her eyes. "Excuse me, I think I'm going to cry."

While Xianghua had an emotional breakdown, Tira leaned over and whispered to Nightmare. "That didn't happen! You were looking for a roommate because your other one called you were trying ot steal his body or something."

"Shhh!" Nightmare whispered back. "If they feel sorry for us, then they'll give us more food!"

"Oh...I get it!" Tira said.

Xianghua finished up her crying and reappling her make-up. She was smiling really crazily at Tira and Nightmare. There was a little twitch in one of her eyes.

"Well..." Xianghua said through her teeth.

"Well what?" Tira asked trying not to be too creeped out by Xianghua.

"Aren't you going to ask how Kilik and I met?"

"Um...how did you and Kilik meet?" Tira asked.

"Thanks for asking! We knew eachother for quiete some time and ten weeks ago we started going out."

"Wow...really cool." Tira said sarcatically.Thankfully, Xianghua's creepy smile and her eye twitching went away.

"I know!" Xianghua said, trying to show off.

Tira and Nightmare rolled their eyes in perfect unision. Kilik trotted over to the table with a plate full of hamburgers in his hands.

"Foods done!" Kilik announced. "Xianghua, can you please get the paper plates and the buns?"

"Yes, Kilik-chan!" Xianghua answered before skipping away.

Kilik set the hamburgers down on the table and sat down on the side Xianghua was. He opened up a bag of dill pickle chips and placed the it right next to the plate of hamburgers. In little time, Xianghua came back with the stuff Kilik told her to get. She set that down on the table as well.

"Can we eat now?" Nightmare asked.

"Of course you can! Dig in!" Kilik said.

Almost instantly, both Tira and Nightmare grabbed two handfull of chips and two hambugers each. Kilik and Xianghua watched in awe and shocked as their neighbors wolf ed down the food and liked the plate clean.

"Um...are you still hungry?" Kilik asked with a sense of bewilderment in his speech.  
"Yes!" Tira and Nightmare said. They grabbed the rest of the burgers and wolfed them down as well.

Kilik and Xianghua sat quietly until they were finished. Kilik looked at the empty plate.

"Oh, would you look at that!" Kilik said. "We're out of hamburgers! Xianghua, can you please help me make more?"

"Yes, Kilik," Xianghua said. The two got up and went over to the grill.

"OK Tira. Nows your chance!" Nightmare whispered.

Tira nodded her head grabbed the bag of chips. She got up and ran to their campsite and threw the chips into the tent. Tira then ran back to the picnic table and sat next to Nightmare. Nightmare yawned rather loudly and Xianghua walked over.

"I'm getting tired," Nightmare said. "I think we're going back to our tent and go to bed."

"Oh...OK then," Xianghua said. "It was nice having you over."

"Tell Kilik we said bye," Tira said.

"I will, bye!" Xianghua waved.

Nightmare and Tira waved and started walking back to their tent. Kilik ran up to them before they were gone.

"Wait! I wanted to ask you two something." he said.

Nightmare sighed and Tira rolled her eyes.

"What is it?" Nightmare asked.

"Tomarrow, Xianghua and I are going to a karoke bar in the near by town to meet up with some friends. We were wondering if you two might want to come."

"Um...Sure. We can come," Nightmare said.

"Great!" Kilik said cheerfully. "Well...We'll see you tomarrow!"

"Yep! Bye!" Nightmare waved at Kilik as they walked away.

"Nice Nightmare," Tira said with a sour expression on her face. "We're suppose to be here camping, not going to a karoke bar..."

"Oh, shut up Tira...You didn't even want to come in the first place."

"Good point."

"Besides...You know you want to go."

Tira rolled her eyes and went into the tent.


	6. Karoke Fun!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does! Oh, I don't own any of the songs I use, either.

A/N: Everyone ready for the karoke bar chapter?! I know I am! I know...Usually I upload a new challenge of "Camp Souls" before I upload a new chapter of "Camping is Funner With Friends", but I'm still trying to come up with a new challenge, so bear with me people! Anyway, enjoy the new chapter of "Camping is Funner With Friends".

* * *

The sun was beginning to set. The orange glow glimmered on the water's reflection. Tira was sitting on the beach watching the sun set. Nightmare was trying to figure out which suit of armor to wear to the karoke bar. The night before, Kilik invited both Tira and Nightmare to come with them to the karoke bar. Nightmare agreed, which means Tira has to come along as well. Tira, suprisingly, was excited.

Tira heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to see Nightmare in his SCIII 1P outfit.

"Tira, are you ready?" He asked. Tira got up and brushed the sand that was on her off.

"Yeah, yeah..."Tira answered.

Nightmare looked at her from head to toe. "You're wearing THAT?!"

Tira examined herself. She was wearing her SCIV 1P outfit. She looked back at Nightmare.

"Yeah...what's wrong about it?"

"Tira! We're going into town...where people are walking around. People see you looking like, they'll think your my girlfriend...or worse!"

"They wouldn't care. Ivy walks around with hardly anything on! The only bad thing that happens is that the angry wives and girlfriends beat up their boyfriends for looking at her!"

Xianghua, wearing her SCIV 2P outfit, popped out of nowhere, scarying both Nightmare and Tira...again. She had this psychotic smile on her face.

"Are we ready?" She asked in an unreasonablily loud tone. Nightmare and Tira slowly nodded. "OK, great! We can carpool together!"

"No," Nightmare said quietly. "I think we can take our-"

"Oh, I insist!" Xianghua said as she came inbetween Nightmare and Tira. She began shoving them to the red car.

Kilik, wearing his SCIV 1P outfit, was standing next to the driver's door. He smiled and waved. Nightmare returned the greeting with a small wave. Tira was looking at Xianghua and supressing the thought of killing her.

"Hello, neighbors!" Kilik greeted. "You ready?" Nightmare nodded slowly. "That's great."

Xianghua walked over to her honey-bunny. "You two can sit in the back if that's OK," She said.

Nightmare and Tira nodded slowly and got into the backseat, alleived they were still alive. Kilik got into the drivers seat and Xianghua got into the passenger seat. Kilik started the car, backed the car and drove away.

"So...how far is the town?" Tira asked.

"About six miles away," Kilik answered.

Tira leaned over to Nightmare. "That's not that bad," she whispered to him.

Nightmare shrugged.

Xianghua and Kilik were singing "Wheels on the Bus" the entire way. Nightmare was staring at the two weirdos, shocked, the entire time. Tira was hyperventilating.

"Get...me...out of...here!" Tira said inbetween breaths.

Nightmare was too speechless to even speak. The six miles seemed more like one-hundred miles, and when they got to the place, Nightmare and Tira jumped out of the car and gasped for air.

When they were done with that, they looked at the bright neon sign of the place. The sign said "Setsuka's Big Umbrella Drinks and Karoke Bar". Kilik and Xianghua got out the car.

"Man, that was fun!" Xianghua sais happily. Nightmare and Tira tried as hard as they could to not say something mean...ah, what the hell, they said it anyway.

"That wasn't fun! That was as scary as Nightmare's closet!" Tira snapped.

"Yeah!...Wait a sec! Tira! My closet isn't messy!"

Kilik and Xianghua walked past the two, with big happy smiles on their faces. Nightmare was guessing they were probably ignoring them or something. Soon enough, Nightmare and Tira followed after them.

Not a lot of people were there, but the area around the stage was full. A big man wearing a hood over his head was standing in front of the door and stopped the group.

"My name is Zasalamel," he said. "I'm the manager. If you complain about anything, I'll kill you. If you talk to me, I'll kill you. If you look at me, I'll kill you. Got it?"

Everyone, who was looking at the ground, nodded their heads. Zasalamel tried to smile, but it turned into a very ugly, lips curled back smile.

"Enjoy your stay here," he said. "But don't enjoy yourselves to much. Because if you do, I'll kill you."

Xianghua and Kilik walked on with Nightmare and Tira following them. The two in front looked around the room. A blonde woman then waved them over.

"Kilik! Xianghua! Over here!" the blonde babe yelled across the room.

Xianghua caught the lady waving and waved back.

"Sophitia! Hi!" Xianghua yelled back. She ranned over to her and the three followed.

Sophitia got up from her seat and hugged Xianghua, when she got there. Sitting in the chair next to Sophitia was her husband Rothion. Cassandra was right next to him. Across from them were their children, Pyrrha and Patroklos. Right next to them was Raphael's foster daughter, Amy.

"You have a new kid?" Xianghua asked.

"No," Sophtia answered. "Her father got in trouble and got sent to jail. We offered to take care of her for the time being."

"Kilik!" Rothion said, standing up to greet Kilik. "Long time no see!"

As Kilik and Rothion were engaging in conversation, Nightmare and Tira were standing around. Sophitia stopped talking to Xianghua for a second and looked at Nightmare and Tira.

"These are friends of yours...right?" she asked.

"Oh yeah!" Xianghua said walking over to Nightmare and Tira. She pointed at Nightmare. "This is Nightmare. And this is Tira."

The two gave an akward wave to Sophitia.

"Can we sit please?" Tira asked.

"Sure! But I want my grapefruit!" Cassandra said. "Where's my grapefruit?!"

"Hey! What did I say about complaining?!" Zasalamel yelled.

Tira sat down right next to Sophitia's children and gave psychotic smiles to the both of them. Xianghua sat next to Sophitia and Kilik sat next to Rothion. Amy was sitting there, playing with a knife. Cassandra was tapping her foot impatiently. Nightmare tried to find a place to sit, but couldn't find on at the table.

"Hey! There's no room for me," Nightmare complained.

"What did I just say?!" Zasalamel shouted.

"Oh...sorry Nightmare," Rothion said. "You can sit-"

"It's fine!" Nightmare interupted. He turned toward the bar. "I'm going to the bar..."

Nightmare walked over to the bar. Behind the bar was an unusually short man with long blonde hair, cleaning a glass. He turned around.

"My name is Siegfreid," the blonde hunk said. "What can I get you?"

"What's good here?" Nightmare asked.

"Well...we're having a special on the "Pink Elephant Pants" drink. It costs 15.99."

"Wow! That's a good deal! I'll take it."

Siegfreid made the drink and handed it to Nightmare. Nightmare quickly drank the drink that was in the tiny shot glass. (A/N: All that for fifteen bucks?!)

"More!" Nightmare yelled.

Two hours and thrity drinks later, Nightmare is drunk and still drinking. Astaroth and his lover, Necrid, were sitting close to Nightmare giggling and making out with eachother. Nightmare spinned around in his chair then glared at the happy couple.

"Oh-hic-get a room!" Nightmare said in his drunken stutter.

Astaroth and Necrid glared back before leaving the bar.

"I think you had enough sir..."Siegfried said quietly.

"I have not-hic-had enough!" Nightmare shouted. "Now, hit-hic-me!"

Siegfried rolled his eyes and got Nightmare another drink.

Setsuka walked onto the stage and a spotlight shined on her.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" Setsuka announced. "Welcome to "Setsuka's Big Umbrella Drinks and Karoke Bar"! Right now, we are starting our amatuer singing...thing. We already have a number of people signed up, so let's get this started!"

The crowd appuladed. When the clapping subsided, Setsuka continued speaking. " First, we have Cassandra. Is there a Cassandra here?"

Cassandra quickly stood up and ran onto the stage.

"OK! Here's your song and let's get started!" Setsuka said.

Setsuka walked off stage and the music to "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" starts up.

Cassandra: I come home in the morning light My mother says when you gonna live your life right Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones And girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night My father yells what you gonna do with your life Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one But girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have -

That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls - they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun

At the end, the crowd applaudes and Cassandra scurries off the stage. Setsuka walks back on with a sheet of paper in her hands.

"That was pretty good," Setsuka said. "Next, we have Kilik up next singing, "Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting"!"

Kilik walks on the stage as Setsuka gets off.The song starts and Kilik sings off key on the high parts. (A/N: If there is any...I haven't listened to this song for like...ever!)

Kilik: Oh-oh-oh-oh... Oh-oh-oh-oh... Oh-oh-oh-oh... Oh-oh-oh-oh...

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those jerks were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit fright'ning, but they fought with expert timing

There was funky China men from funky Chinatown They were trapping when up, they were trapping when down It's an ancient Chinese art, and everybody knew their part For my friend, ain't you a stiff, then I'm kickin' from the hip

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those kids were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit fright'ning, but they fought with expert timing

Little clapping is heard as Kilik walks off the stage. Nightmare, who is at the bar still, is booing and hissing.

"You-hic-suck!" Nightmare yelled.

Setsuka, is back on stage, trying to look for the one booing. She sees Nightmare and glares at him.

"Hey! You want to try to sing, buddy?!" She yelled at Nightmare.

"I would-hic- be glad to!" Nightmare said as he got slowly out of his seat.

As he wiggled and tripped on over to the stage, Tira tried to hide herself under the table.

When Nightmare got onto the stage and Setsuka walked off, the song "Don't Cha" begins to play. Nightmare immeditatily begins dancing very uncoordinatedly on the stage.

Nightmare: I know you want me (I know you like me) I know you do (I know you do) Thats why whenever I come around I'm all over you (she's all over you) I know you want it (I know you want it) It's easy to see (it's easy to see) And in the back of your mind I know you should be on with me

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Dont cha Dont cha Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?  
Dont cha Dont cha

Nightmare is slurring and messing up a majority of the words. As soon as the song ends, no one claps or cheers or even boos. They just stared at Nightmare, who is dancing to no music. Setsuka walks slowly onto the stage and pushes Nightmare off. Nightmare face-plants the ground and slowly gets up and walks back to the bar.

"Alrighty...next up is Xianghua. Xianghua, please come up to the stage!"

Xianghua screams like a little girl and runs onto the stage. Setsuka, trying to hide annoyance from Xianghua's squeeling, calmly hands her the microphone and walks off stage.

"Yay! This is dedicated to my Kilik-chan!" Xianghua said pointing at Kilik. Tira repressed the urge to throw up, while Nightmare is spinning around in his chair, rambling on about ponies.

The song "Hit Me Baby One More Time" starts playing and Xianghua starts to sing, very tone-deaf like.

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know That something wasnt right here Oh baby baby, I shouldnt have let you go And now youre out of sight, yeah Show me how you want it to be Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because

My loneliness is killin me (and I)  
I must confess I still believe (still believe)  
When Im not with you I lose my mind Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!

After the first chorus, Tira, who is getting very pissed off at this point, throws a glass at Xianghua's head. Xianghua dodges it by moving, or more like dancing to the side. Tira groans and throws a vase at her. This time, the vase hits Xianghua on the head and Xianghua gets hit in the stomach, walks over to the edge of the stage and falls off of it. The song stop and everyone goes over to see if the crazy girl is OK. Xianghua jumps up, unharmed.

"OMG!! That was amazing!" Xianghua squeeled.

Sophitia looked at her watch. "I'm sorry," she said. "But we have to get going. We have to get the kids into bed and we have to get Cassandra back to the..."house"."

"That's OK," Kilik replied. He turned to look at Tira. "Are you coming?"

Tira looked over at Nightmare and looked back at Kilik. "I'm sorry. We'll find our own way home."

Kilik shrugged and everyone, except for Tira and Nightmare, exitted the club.

* * *

Three hours leter and it's almost closing time. Tira was watching Zasalamel and Setsuka sing "What is Love?". Nightmare was still at the bar, with Siegfried behind the bar still, slamming down at least thrity more drinks.

"Last call!" Siegfried yelled before going to the back.

Tira got up and walked over to bar. Nightmare spinned around in the chair once and then looked at Tira.

"Tira! What's up babe..." Nightmare said with a drunken slur.

"Nightmare! Can we go home?" Tira asked. "I'm tired and we need to get out."

"But Ti-hic-ra. We didn't drive..."Nightmare got out of the chair and fell onto the floor.

Siegfried came back from the back and looked at Tira. "Is this your dad?"

"No...He's my roommate," Tira said looking at Nightmare, who was now sleeping on the floor. She looked up at Siegfried and looked into his sparkling green eyes. She gazed into his eyes for the longest time...until-

"Are you moving in on my girl?" Nightmare said getting up. He placed his hand on the bar and glared at the handsome bartender.

"No," Siegfried said nervously.

"Oh..." Nightmare said before falling down to the ground again.

"Um...If you want, I can drive you home when I'm done with my shift," Siegfried suggested.

Tira's violet eyes sparkled as she look at the German Hunk. "I'd like that."

"OK then," Siegfried nodded. "I'll tell you when I'm done. Just wait outside with your friend."

Tira nodded and tried to help the sleeping Nightmare up. After several attempts, she was able to support him and got him out the door. Good Ol' Manager Zasalamel was standing next to the door and glaring down at Tira.

"Have a good night," he said. "If you didn't, I'll kill you."

Tira rolled her eyes and got outside, waiting for Siegfried to get done with work.

* * *

A/N: Hope you all like it! I'm so happy this story is getting so popular! Next time, Tira and the drunk Nightmare are getting a ride from the German Hunk, Siegfried. Thanks for reading. Please review and no flames.


	7. The Ride Back to Camp with Sieggy

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does!

* * *

Tira waited on the sidewalk for her knight in shining armor. The drunken Nightmare was laying on the sidewalk, babbling on and on about something to do with kittens. Siegfried promised Tira that he will give her and Nightmare a ride home. She just hoped he would go through with his promise...

"You know, babe," Nightmare said in his drunken slur. "We should-hic-...We should go to my place and party. How 'bout that?"

Tira glared at Nightmare. "That's disgusting! As soon as we get back to camp, you're going to bed."

"Aw, come on! You know-hic- you want to..." he trailed off before falling to sleep.

A car drove around the corner and stopped in front of Tira. Someone rolled down the window and looked at Tira. That person had a weird hair style that looked like it was inspired by Elvis was in the drivers seat. In the passenger seat was another man that had spiky red hair. Both of them were looking at Tira.

"Hey, baby," the man in the passengers seat said. "My name is Yun Seong. What's yours?"

Tira paused and glared at him. "The names Get the Hell Away From Me..."

"Oooo...a mysterious one," the man with Elvis hair-do said. Tira rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Maxi," Yun Seong said. "Don't you know the mysterious ones are more fun?" (A/N: Wait a sec! I thought Nightmare killed Maxi in chapter 2? I guess Good Ol' Zassy brought him back to life.)

"I never would've guessed," Maxi said to Yun Seong. He looked at Tira. "So...you wanna hang out."

Tira's eyes narrowed even more. "No..."

"Come on!" Yun Seong complained. "It'll be fun."

"What part of "no" don't you under-?"

"But Yun Seong," Maxi interrupted. "Won't your girlfriend be angry that you're talking to another woman?"

Yun Seong laughed. "Like she'll know! She's probably talking to the wind or something."

Then, something started to shake in Yun Seong's fron pokect of his pants. He pulled out a cell phone and opened it up.

"What's happening, baby?" he said into the phone. He paused for a little and let the person on the other end speak. His face went from happy to scared. "No, Talim. I wasn't going to cheat on you." He paused again began to tremble. "I wasn't! The wind is lying to you. Lying! Please don't throw my stuff out onto the lawn and burn it!"

Talim hung up and the phone made the annoying beeeeep noise. Yun Seong began panicing. "Maxi! Get me back home, now!

"Why?" Maxi asked. "It's not like she can use the wind to kill you."

"Yes she can! Shes scarying when she's angry! Now drive!"

Maxi rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dude." The car drove away.

Tira glared at the car until it disappeared. She looked down at Nightmare, who was appearing to be making a snow angel even though there was no snow on the ground.

"Wheeeeee!!" Nightmare yelled as he continued making a snowless angel.

Tira resisted the urge to kick him and sat at on the street curb.

"What's taking him so long?" She asked herself.

As if her wish was answered, Siegfried walked out of the main entrance. Tira got up and looked at the sexy man with huge sparkling eyes.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he said with his sexy voice. "Zasalamel kept threatening me that he will kill me if I didn't clean up the tables."

"It's alright," Tira said very enthusicually.

The two looked into eachothers eyes for at least two minutes. Nightmare sat up and glared at Siegfried.

"Didn't I-hic-...tell you not to mess with my girl?" Nightmare asked as he glared at Siegfried.

"Um...no," Siegfried answered back calmly.

Nightmare didn't answer. He just fell back and went back to sleep. Siegfried turned his head back to look at Tira.

"So...shall we?"

Tira grinned and nodded her head. "But how are we going to get him into your car?"

"No worries. I can get him in." Siegfried said as he walked over to Nightmare.

He walked over to the sleeping Nightmare and got him standing up. Then, he wrapped his arm around Nightmare's waist and began walking him around the building. Tira followed closely behind the two. When the the group got to the back parking lot, there was only one car out there. It was a plain white car with a little bit of rust on it but it was not as bad as Nightmare's yellow, rusty piece of junk also known as his car. Tira guessed that the car was probably Siegfrieds.

"Well...theres my car," Siegfried stated.

Tira nodded slowly. Siegfried began leading Nightmare over to his car and Tira followed. Siegfried opened the back door and lead Nightmare into the car. Nightmare immediatily fell onto his side and was snoring peacefully on the seat.

"Wow..."Siegfried managed to say. "Does he always do that?"

"Yeah," Tira answered.

She walked over to the other side of the car and got in. Siegfried stayed on his side and got into the driver's seat.

When the two buckled their seatbelts, Siegfried started the car. Despite of the car's appearance, the inside smelt very nice, kind of like vanilla. Unfortunatly, the nice smell was replaced with the smell of beer that was emitting off of Nightmare. Siegfried pulled out of parking lot and drove down the road.

"So...where do you live," Siegfried asked.

"We live don't around here. We're camping in the middle of nowhere," Tira answered.

"Oh...Do you still know where it is?"

Tira nodded her head. "You just drive down this road and when you get to this heavlily wooded area you turn on this little dirt road. And don't worry, it's the only dirt road."

"Wow...that's easy," Siegfried said.

As the car left the town, there was the akward silence. Even Nightmare's snoring couldn't pierce the silence. Tira was twidling her thimbs, trying not to look at the handsome man.

"So...do you have a girlfriend?" Tira asked breaking the silence. Siegfried looked at her with a brow raised. _Opps...I maybe shouldn't have asked him that._ she told herself_._

In response, he chuckled. Now, Tira was confused.

"I did," Siegfried said as he looked back at the road.

"You broke up with her?"

"Yeah."

"Why did you break up with her?"

"She was insane! She was always like 'Sigfried, are coming to bed?'. 'Siegfried, can we go now? I need to feed Fluffy.' And when I say no or something, she starts beating me up with her sword and her pointy lance. "

"What happened when you broke up with her?"

"Well...it all started when I told her that I was breaking up with her..."

* * *

Siegfried was pacing about the room, trying to figure out what to say to his girlfried. A little white, poofy cat was curled up on the chair while Siegfried was talking to himself.

"Alright, Fluffy," Siegfried said to the cat. "I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend."

Fluffy stretched and sat up in the chair. Siegfried sat in front of the cat.

"Hilde...dear. We need to talk," he said to Fluffy. He took the cat's paw into his hand. Fluffy eyes narrowed and was starting to get angry.

"We have been have going out for almost two years and I feel that we have been drifting apart. And I feel like is most reasonable that we broke up...How was that?"

Fluffy glared at Siegfried and bit his nose before troting away. Siegfried yelped and rubbed his nose. He glared at the little poof-ball as it trotted away.

"That cat has an adittude problem..." Siegfried growled.

Siegfried walked out of the living room and sat at the table that was in the kitchen. He was now waiting for his girlfriend to get home.

Two hours past and Sigfried was sleeping at the table. He heard the door open and woke up.

"Sieggy! I'm home!" A voice called out.

A woman walked into the kitchen. She had long red hair, tied back into a bun, and was wearing a businesswoman outfit. She walked over to Siegfried and kissed him on the cheek.

"You don't know how my day was!" Hilde said as she walked over to one of the cabinets. She pulled out a box of Chex Mix and began eating from it. "There was this idiot who thought he could get an extended warrenty on his lifesize hippo statue and I told him-"

"Why don't you eat the box of cookies?" Siegfried interupted.

"Because," Hilde sighed. "Those cookies are loaded with trans fat and other nasty stuff. I don't want to get fat!"

"You're not that fat though..." Siegfried muttered.

Hilde narrowed her eyes and threw her sword at him. Siegfried dodged the sword by leaning to the side.

He took a deep breath. "Hilde...sweetheart. We need to talk."

Hilde tilted her head, walked over to the table and sat next to Siegfried.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Did that Zasalamel guy fire you?"

"No..."

"Are you dying?"

"No..."

"Oh my goodness! You killed Fluffy didn't you?"

Siegfried shook his head. He took Hilde's hand into his own and looked into her eyes. "We have been through a lot these past two year...and I feel we're drifting apart."

"You're breaking up with me?" Hilde asked. She looked like she was about ready to cry.

"I...Yes." Siegfried answered.

Hilde's look of sadness automatically switched to anger as she began punching him.

"NO EVER BREAKS UP WITH ME!!" she yelled as she beat him up.

"Ahhhh! Fluffy! HELP!!" Siegfried yelled when he saw the little white poof-ball walk in front of the kitchen. Fluffy stood still and watched as Siegfried was getting his butt kicked. Then, trotted away.

Two hours later and Siegfried is cowering in the corner, hiding behind a table that was turned onto it's side and protecting himself with a broom. Hilde was glaring down at the poor man with anger still on her face. She was armed with her sword and her lance.

"No one EVER breaks up with me!!" she continued to scream.

Then, there was a knock on the door.

"Police!" the voice behind the door yelled. "Open up!"

"Help! I'm trapped by a mad woman!" Siegfried cried.

"Silence!" Hilde yelled at Siegfried.

"Let us in, now!" A different voice outside the door yelled.

"Their not listening. Use the cool door buster downer!" the first voice said.

In a matter of seconds, the door was busted down. Two police officers and a camera man came into the house. One of the cops was a woman with her brown hair in a braid. The other officer was a man with an elephant head on his head. They were in matching uniforms. Both officers had their own unique weapon. The camera man was wearing a plain white shirt with the logo for "Soul Calibur COPS" on it and blue jeans. He was taping everything that was going on/

"I'm Sheriff Seong Mi-na and this is my deputy, Rock," the woman officer said calmly. "We got a call about a domestic disturbance here."

"There is nothing wrong going on," Hilde replied. "You can go now."

"Help me!" Siegfried cried crawling over to Seong Mi-na and yanking on her pant leg. This clothes are torn up. "This woman is killing me!"

Hilde got him away from Seong Mi-na by trying to stab him the lance. "You go back to your corner!"

Siegfried whimpered and went back to the corner.

"Ma'am...have you been drinking tonight?" Deputy Rock asked.

"No! My dumbass boyfriend was trying to break up with me." Hilde snapped.

"And...you were beating him up because he broke up with you?"

"He was about to. But I stopped him!" Hilde added a crazy, scary laugh at the end.

Rock and Seong Mi-na looked at eachother and nodded.

"Ma'am, you're coming to the station with us," Seong Mi-na said.

"No I am not!" Hilde answered.

The two officers walked closer to her. She, feeling threatened poinnted the lance at the two, making them stopping dead in their tracks.

"Ma'am all we want to do is help," Rock said calmly.

"Now drop the weapon," Seong Mi-na said as she got her weapon ready. "Or we will use deadly force."

"Never!" Hilde growled.

Seong Mi-na sighed and looked over at Rock. "She's not listening to us. Use the net."

Rock smiled and got a gun ready. He shot off the gun and a net came out of it. The net landed on Hilde. She tried to break out of it but she couldn't.

Seong Mi-na walked over to Siegfried, who was curled up in a ball in the corner. Rock was getting Hilde up and out of the house.

"It's alright," Seong Mi-na said patting Siegfried on the back. "She's gone now."

Siegfried looked up at her with huge eyes. "She is?"

Mi-na smiled. "Yes. Don't worry. She can't hurt you anymore. We'll take you to the station and get you help."

She helped Siegfried get up and and helped him over to the busted door. Siegfried stopped.

"Wait! I need Fluffy," Siegfried said.

Mi-na sighed. "Who's Fluffy?"

"My kitty-cat. Here Fluffy!"

A little white cat trotted down the stairs and Siegfried scooped the cat up into arms. The cat was growling at the man.

"I love you too, Fluffy," he said to the cat.

Seong Mi-na helped him out the door and they went to her car.

* * *

"So...what happened to your old girlfriend?" Tira asked.

"She's in jail and will be for another four years," Siegfried answered.

Tira nodded her head and looked at the handsome man.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Siegfried asked.

Tira shoke her head. "Nightmare would kill anyone who ever walked on his lawn because he thought that they were going to steal his collection of jagged rocks."

Siegfried laughed. Tira had a little smile on her face.

As the car entered the wooded area, the two kept their eyes open for the dirt road. When they finally found it, Siegfried turned the car onto the road and followed it up until he saw two tents. One tent belonged to Nightmare and Tira's neighbors, Kilik and Xianghua. The tent with the little Soul Edge blanket was Nightmare and Tira's tent.

Siegfried stopped the car but left it running.

"I'll help you with your friend," he said before getting out of the car.

"OK," Tira answered as she got out the car. She walked over to the driver's side and stood behind Siegfried.

He was able to pull the still sleeping Nightmare out and got on one side. Tira stood on the other and helped provide support. The two helped Nightmare over to the tent. Siegfried let go of Nightmare and Tira was able to balance him by herself.

"Well...thanks for the ride," Tira thanked.

Siegfried smiled. "No problem."

The two stood still for a second before Tira spoke again.

"You want to hang out sometime?"

"Um...sure," Siegfried answered.

Tira felt her heart skip a beat. She will get to hang out with the handsome man again! She finally had a friend that wasn't afraid of her.

Siegfried looked into Tira's violet eyes and Tira looked into his emerald green eyes. She leaned in to kiss him on the lips but was interrupted when Nightmare began to move uneasily. She stopped and looked over at the now awake Nightmare.

"Holy crap!" he yelled. "Where the heck am I?!"

"Nightmare!" Tira yelled back, clearly angered because she didn't kiss Siegfried. "Settle down!"

But Nightmare continued to freak out. He tripped on a pebble and fell on Siegfried. Siegfried's warm lips came in contact with Nightmare's cold armor and the two were "kissing"! Tira stood still, her jaw dropped. Nightmare and Siegfried backed away from eachother and Siegfried tried to clean off his mouth. Nightmare, still drunk, thought he was kissing a girl.

"Come on, baby!" Nightmare whined. "Let's do it again!"

Nightmare walked back up to Siegfried but the handsome man pushed the crazy drunk away.

"Get the hell away!" Siegfried snapped.

Tira grabbed Nightmare by the neck and threw him into tent. She brushed herself off and walked back over to Siegfried.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for that to happen!" Tira apologized.

Siegfried got his composure back and cleared his throat. "It's ok...It's not your fault."

"You still want to hang out, though?" Tira asked, hoping that Siegfried will still want to be her friend even after what happened.

"Sure," Siegried answered. Tira's hope came back and she looked at Siegfried with huge eyes. "How about...three days from now?"

Tira nodded her head like a bobble head bobs it's head. "Yeah!"

Siegfried smiled. "I'll pick you up here."

Tira grinned. "Alright! I'll...see you later then."

"Yes...Good-bye Tira." Siegfried said.

But before he left, he kissed Tira on the cheek. Tira blushed a new shade of red as Siegfried got into his car and drove away. She walked into the tent and laid beside the sleeping Nightmare.

_OMG! My first actual date with someone!_

Tira closed her eyes and drifted off into a deep slumber.

* * *

A/N: Aww...Sieggy is so sweet! I should've warned you people about the little "kissing" action between Nighty and Sieggy but I wanted to suprise you people! So...anyway, thanks for reading and please review!


	8. Here fishie, fishie, fishie

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does!

* * *

It was almost noon when Tira woked up. She woke up to the "wonderful" sensation of Nightmare breathing down the back of her neck. He also had his deformed arm-claw thing around her waist, pulling her closer to his body. As soon as Tira saw the claw around her waist, she automatically screamed, pushed it off of her and punched Nightmare. He woke up right after Tira had punched him.

"Ouch! Tira that hurts!" Nightmare placed a hand on his temple and growled. "Dang...I have a headache."

"Hangovers are a bitch, aren't they?" Tira said with a hint of haha-your-a-stupid-person in her voice.

Nightmare glared at her before curling himself back up into his blanket.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Tira asked.

"Just steal a bag of ice from the neighbors..." he muttered quietly.

After she combed her hair and put into uneven pigtails, she made the dangerous trek to dun dun dun...Kilik and Xianghua's tent. (Distant scream and que "Mission: Impossible" theme music.)

Tira sneaked quietly over to the neighbors, hiding behind trees and bushes. When hiding behind the tree nearest to the tent, she what she was looking for. A cooler...filled with ice. A choir angels sang and a bright light surround the cooler as if it were a gift from a divine being. A mischeivious came across Tira's face as she climbed up the tree with a rope in one of her hands. When she got to a branch that was just over the cooler, she crawled onto the branch. Carefully positioning herself over the cooler, she tied on end of rope on a little branch coming off the branch she was on. She tied the other end around her waist.

She looked around. The coast was clear. Then, she slowly desended down, adding a few flips when she was coming. When she got to the cooler, she was just hanging there. She slowly opened the containers top and saw the cold gold she was looking for. Tira smirked and grabbed the largest bag of ice she could find. She closed the top slowly, so she wouldn't make any noise. She then went back up the tree. Mission almost accomplished. Then, Xianghua did what she did best, popped out of nowhere, happier than the average human, scarying the crap out of Tira.

"Hello neighbor!" Xianghua greeted cheerfully.

Tira screamed and dropped the bag of ice. The rope that was holding her snapped and she fell to the ground. Thankfully, she was only six feet from the ground so she wasn't that badly hurt.

"What the hell is your problem?! Why do you just suddenly pop out of nowhere?!" Tira asked as loudly as possible.

Xianghua tilted her head. "I don't understand what you're saying."

"...Are you on something?" Tira asked.

Xianghua looked down at the bag of ice. "What are you doing with that?"

"Nothing..." Tira said trying to act innocent.

"If you needed a bag of ice, all you had to do was ask," Xianghua said. She lifted up the bag and handed it to Tira, who was a little angry because she didn't want her "Mission: Impossible" rip-off scene to go to waste.

"Um...Thanks," Tira said quietly.

"No problem!" Xianghua said before skipping away. Kilik looked out of his tent and saw Tira walking away.

"Yo! Tira!" Kilik yelled after her.

Tira stopped and looked behind her to see Kilik running up to her. ...Great she muttered under her breath.

"Sorry we didn't bring you two home," Kilik said when he got to the girl.

"It's no problem," Tira lied. "We got a ride from someone."

"Oh...OK then. Tell Nightmare I said hi."

"I will. Can I go now? This ice is melting and it's making my clothes feel damp."

Kilik blushed. "That ain't good."

Tira could feel Xianghua glaring at her. Xianghua mouthed the words 'Back off, biznitch. HE'S MINE!!'

Tira waved good-bye to Kilik and walked back to the tent. She rolled her and made a mental note to herself. 'KILL XIANGHUA!!'

Tira entered the tent with the bag of ice. Nightmare looked at her and his red eyes narrowed.

"What took so long?"

"That weirdo Xianghua," she answered.

"Oh...figures."

Tira threw the bag of ice at him and he placed it on his head. "Ow...how much did I drink last night?"

"About sixty drinks..."

"Sixty?! Why didn't you stop me?"

"Because you would a) tell me to go to hell, b)drink faster, look at me and say 'what are you talking about?' or c) throw a bottle at me."

"Oh...did I do anything stupid?"

"Well...you kissed the handsomest man in the world and tried to make-out with people you haven't even met. Oh, and you lost the karoke contest."

"Sounds like fun."

Tira rolled her eyes. "Need anything else?"

"No, you can go." Nightmare said as he placed his head back on the pillow.

Tira nodded and walked out of the tent. She walked over to the edge of the lake and began skipping stones for about ten minutes.

After boring herself out of that, she looked over and saw something covered in moss. Tira walked over to the strange thing and got the moss off of it. It appeared to be a boat. It was old but in good condition.

"Nightmare!" Tira yelled. "Nightmare!"

"What?!" Nightmare roared back.

"You need to see this!"

In no time, Nightmare stormed out of the tent, wearing his pajamas that had little Soul Edge images and little Soul Calibur images on it. He wore cute little slippers that reminded one of bunny slippers, but the bunnny head was replaced by an eye that looked like Soul Edge's. He still had the ice bag on his head.

He walked over to Tira and saw the old boat. "What's that?"

"A boat!" Tira said with a smile.

Nightmare flipped the boat over so then the inside of the boat was showing.

"Hang on a sec..." Nightmare said.

He ran into the tent and in no time, he was wearing his signature Azure armor. He had two fishing poles in his hands and he ran up to Tira.

"Let's go fishing!" Nightmare said cheerfully.

"Wow...can't beileve your hangover disappeared that quickly," Tira said, a little bit confused.

"No, I still have it! Oh, and if I throw up in the boat, don't push me out of the boat."

Tira rolled her eyes. "But, genius, who are we going to get it move through the water? We don't have a motor or oars."

"Oh, Tira. Don't you know that I had an oar as a joke weapon?"

"No...Siegfried did. You had the giant squid."

Nightmare glared at the girl. "I hate it when you correct me...But I always carry two oars in the car."

Nightmare handed Tira the two poles and ran to the yellow, rusty piece of junk, known as his car. He opened the trunk and took out two oars. He ran back over to Tira and threw the oars into the boat and pushed the boat into the water.

"What are we going to do about bait?" Tira asked.

"Hm..." Nightmare thought about this for a second. Then, he ripped off Tira's shirt. "That'll work."

"Nightmare! Give that back!" Tira said as she covered up her chest.

Kilik was standing at his picnic table when he saw Nightmare pulled off Tira's shirt. He looked at Tira and got a nose bleed. Xianghua walked up to and asked him why he had a nose-bleed. Since he was too baffled to speak, Xianghua looked at the direction he was looking at. Her jaw dropped, slapped Kilik across the face, called him a pig and walked away crying.

Tira and Nightmare looked over to see Kilik, who's was still looking and still having a nose-bleed. Nightmare handed Tira her shirt and she quickly put it on.

"Sorry!" she hollered over to Kilik.

He didn't answer. Instead, he fell over onto his back with his mouth wide open.

Tira glared at Nightmare. "What the hell was that for?"

"What? I thought that would be perfect bait."

"Yeah. If it were teenage boys! I highly doubt fish like looking at breasts!"

"If I were a fish I would...What do fish eat then?"

"Don't they eat bugs or something?"

"I don't know!" Nightmare said as he got into the boat. "We'll just do it without bait."

Tira sighed and got into the boat. They each took one oar and paddled to the middle of the lake. Nightmare grabbed his fishing rod and casted away. Tira did the same.

The two sat quietly for at least and hour. In that hour, they caught nothing. The sun was already setting.

"This is boring," Tira muttered.

"Tira, can't you at least pretend that you are having fun?"

"No...Can you?"

"Oh, shut up and go back to fishing."

Another hour past by. Finally, Nightmare felt something tug at his line.

"I think I got something! It's a big one!"

Tira looked over and was actually kind of excited.

Nightmare yanked up and out came a itsy, bitsy sized fish. Tira couldn't contain her laughter and bursted out laughing. Nightmare took the fish off and threw it back into the water.

"It's not that funny..." Nightmare growled.

"Yeah it is!" Tira said as she was starting to stop laughing.

Then, Nightmare felt another tug on the line.

"It' probably that stupid pint-sized fish again," Tira said.

"You're probably right, but it's worth seeing what it is."

Nightmare began yanking and trying to reel the fish up. This fish was far more stubborn than the last. After five minutes of struggling with the fish, the fish gave up and got away. This made Nightmare angry.

"Hey!" Nightmare yelled at the fish. "Come back and fight like a man!"

Then, a big, strong looking fish, with a mom tattoo on one of his muscular fins. Nightmare's eyes went wide with fear.

"You just insulted my wife..." growled the fish.

"I'm so sorry!" Nightmare said getting onto is knees. "Please forgive me!!"

But the fish showed no mercy and beat him up. Then, the fish went away when it needed more water. He warned Nightmare that he will "finish the job later". Tira went over to Nightmare who was in the fetile position.

"Nightmare," Tira said comforting the distraught master. "You alright? The mean fishie is gone now."

"H-h-he is?" Nightmare stammered.

"Yes...I'll bring you back to camp and then we-"

"Oh, Tira!" Nightmare cried as he wrapped hais arms around her waist. "It was terrible!"

"I know...I was there."

She rowed the entire way back with Nightmare clinging to her the entire time. When they got back to shore, Tira helped Nightmare to the tent and settled him into his bed.

"Can you read me a story?" Nightmare asked.

"You're old enough to read one by yourself..." Tira answered.

"No I can't. I never learned how to read."

Tira rolled her and sat next to Nightmare. "Once upon a time...the end."

"That's not a story!"

"Yeah it was, now go to bed!"

Nightmare rested his head on the pillow and in no time, he was already asleep.

Tira sighed and walked outside. She grabbed a gas can, that she stoled from the neighbors, and dumped all the gasoline onto the boat. She litted a match and set the boat on fire. She watched the inferno grow and devour the old boat.

"Damn shame Nightmare is missing this..."


	9. The Date with Sieggy

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cast of Soul Calibur. Namco does!**

* * *

"Tonight's the night!" Tira said cheerfully. "I get to go on a date with the handsomest man in the world!"

She looked into the car's side mirror to make sure no hairs were out of place. For tonight, she was going on a date with the handsome bartender Siegfried. She adjusted her SCIV 2P outfit and added the finishing touches to her make-up. Nightmare walked out of the tent, still wounded from the incident with the fish two days ago.

"What's the occasion?" he asked with a brow up. "Are you dressing nice for me?"

"No," Tira answered with cheerfulness in her voice.

"Then what are you doing?"

"You remembered that bartender at that karaoke bar, Siegfried?" she asked while applying some mascara.

"Wasn't he the dude with the long blonde?"

"He's the dude you kissed when you were drunk," Tira said with a smile.

"Yeah, I remember," Nightmare muttered.

"He asked me out when you were past out in the back seat of his car."

Nightmare's jaw dropped. "What?!"

"I know! Isn't that awesome? He'll be here any minute."

"But-but-but-but-but….I thought we were going to hang out tonight?! TOGETHER?!" Nightmare stammered out.

"I told you, didn't I?"

Tira cocked her head. Nightmare continued to look at her with his jaw dropped, eyes full of disbelief. Nightmare ran up to Tira and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Don't leave!" Nightmare cried. "I don't want to be alone with the neighbors! They're insane!"

Tira patted Nightmare's head armor. "It's OK, Nighty. I'll be home before-

"11 o' clock?" Nightmare said looking up at Tira.

"Yeah…Sure."

Then, a white car pulled up behind the yellow rusty piece of junk known as Nightmare's car. Nightmare unwrapped his arms around Tira and stood up. As Siegfried walked over to the two, Nightmare glared at Siegfried. Siegfried returned the same expression.

"Hello, Siegfried!" Tira greeted cheerfully.

"Hello, Tira," Siegfried greeted not as cheerfully.

"Let me lay down the ground rules!" Nightmare said with authority in his voice.

"Oh great…" Tira mumbled under her breath.

"Rule number one; I want Tira to be home by 11 o' clock. Rule number two; you will not be at least 3 feet near her. If you are, I will chop off your arm. Rule number three; you will not. I repeat, WILL NOT, do any touching, kissing, making out with, taking off any of her clothes, having-"

"Nightmare!" Tira interrupted. "I think we get it!"

"Oh…OK then. Have a nice time."

Nightmare walked back into the tent with his head hanging down.

"Well. Let's get going," Siegfried said to Tira.

"OK then," Tira answered.

They walked to Siegfried's car and got in it. Nightmare poked his head out of the opening and watched them drive off. He found the phone that he stole from the annoying neighbors next door and dialed in a number.

"Hello, Inferno's Giant Fire Balls Emporium. Located near Seong Mi-na's Sports Store. How may I be of service to you?" Some person answered on the other end.

"Yeah, I'd like a giant fire ball," Nightmare told the person on the other line. "Delivered to the tent on the only dirt road in the woods."

"Would you like it wrapped up?"

"Sure. It should be for a Mr. Kilik. K-I-L-I-K. And a Miss Xianghua. X-I-A-N-G-H-U-A.

"Ok then. We'll ship your order out tonight. It should be there about 10 o' clock."

"Thank you," he said as he hung up. A mischievous smile came across his face. "I don't need Tira to have fun. But I miss her already!" He gripped his pillow and began crying into it.

* * *

"So, where are we going?" Tira asked.

"If I remembered correctly, we're going to Lizardman's Mutton on a Stick. My boss, Zasalamel is manager there as well and gave me a 2 percent discount if I go there."

"Wow…For a guy who likes to threaten to kill people he sure doesn't have any free time."

"I know," Siegfried replied.

Siegfried pulled into a parking space and turned off the car. The two walked out of the car and walked right next to each other. Siegfried took Tira's hand and now, they were holding hands. Tira blushed bright red.

As they entered the bizarrely named restaurant, good ol' Zasalamel was waiting at the door. Zasalamel was looking down at a menu behind a podium.

"Welcome to Lizardman's Mutton on a Stick. Where the meat you eat is always made from the souls of foolish, fat chicken," Zasalamel said looking down at the menu. He looked up and his eyes narrowed. "Oh…it's you."

"Hello Zasalamel," Siegfried said.

"If you two do anything stupid…I'll kill you. If I hear any complaining-"

"Yeah, Yeah. We know. You'll kill us," Tira interrupted. "Can you please show us where we could sit?"

"No," Zasalamel growled. "That's why we have Link. LINK! GET YOUR GREEN CLAD ASS OVER HERE AND GET THESE PEOPLE SEATED!!"

An elf came running over to Siegfried and Tira, tripping over tables and people while getting over there. Just as Zasalamel said, he was defiantly green-clad.

"HYAH!!" Link shouted unnecessarily loud.

"What the crap did he say?" Tira asked.

"He said 'Follow me to your seat'," Siegfried translated.

Link walked through the restaurant with Siegfried and Tira following.

"How did you know what he was saying?" Tira whispered into Siegfried's ear.

"He comes into the karaoke bar once a week. He always comes talking to me for some odd reason," Siegfried explained. "But, I understand what he's saying."

Link showed the couple to their seats and sat them down.

"HYAH TEE-YAH!!" Link shouted while taking out a little notepad and pen.

"He said 'Do you want anything to drink?'" Siegfried translated.

"Um…just water," Tira said.

"I'll have the water as well," Siegfried said to Link.

"TEE-YAH!!" Link shouted before walking away.

In the mean time, Tira looked around the oddly designed restaurant. There was what appeared to be a car sticking out of the ceiling. Frying pans and spoons were hung from the ceiling. Weird pictures of Lizardman herding cattle on horseback or of him shepherding sheep were hanging on the walls. But the oddest thing there was probably the life-size statue of Lizardman doing the can-can with another Lizardman who was wearing a dress.

"Are you alright?" Siegfried asked Tira, which snapped her out of looking at the odd stuff inside the resturant.

"Yeah…But this place is weird," Tira said.

Siegfried shrugged. "That's what happens when you give Lizardman enough money to open up his own resturant."

Tira giggled and looked into Siegfried's eyes. He returned the stare.

"Kiss him. Kiss him. Kiss him."

Tira turned around and glared at the guy behind her who was chanting 'Kiss him'.

"Hey! Mind your own business," She snapped.

"You're a meanie!" He said before turning around.

As she turned around, Link has just returned with the water. He set the two glasses down lightly.

"HOO-YAH!! TEE-YAH!!" Link shouted as he got out the little notepad and pen.

"Do you know what you're going to get?" Siegfried asked Tira.

"Um…I'll just take the chicken salad."

"I'll have the giant mutton on the bone," Siegfried said to Link.

After Link scribbled that down on the notepad, he took the menus.

"HYAH!!" Link said before running off to the kitchen.

"So…What do you do for a living?" Siegfried asked.

"Well, I was an assassin for about most of life. I am wanted in 30 countries. I have a 20 million gold bounty on my head and I'm the world champion rhythmic gymnastics title holder," Tira said with a psychotic smile on her face.

Siegfried's jaw dropped. "Well…that's quite a lot of stuff that you're famous for."

Tira giggled cutely. Siegfried looked over behind Tira and saw "Manager in Charge" Zasalamel glaring over at them.

'If you have fun…I'll kill you' Zasalamel mouthed to Siegfried.

Siegfried rolled his eyes and looked back at Tira. Tira blushed as she looked at him. At this moment Tira leaned across the table to kiss him. Siegfried did the same. Just before their lips came in contact, something stopped Tira. The guy behind her grabbed her butt. Tira turned around and glared evilly at the guy who just touched her.

"What the hell did you just do?" Tira growled.

"Nothing! I swear!" the man behind her said nervously.

"Like hell you did!" Tira snarled as she pulled out her Eiserne Drossel.

"My, what weird weapon you have," the man said trembling violently.

"All the better to kill you with!" Tira said.

Just as Tira was about to decapitate the poor pervert, Siegfried quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and held her back.

"I suggest if you want to live, you go…now," Siegfried said calmly.

The man listened to Siegfried and got the hell out of there. Siegfried let go of Tira.

"You alright?" Siegfried asked Tira.

"Yeah…I'm OK," Tira answered as she calmed down.

"Good…"

* * *

After the couple finished dinner, they went to the movie theater. They choose on the blockbuster movie of the season, "I Dream of Apple Pie" starring Astaroth, Necrid and Charade. The movie is about a man, Astaroth, who falls in love with another man, Necrid, but the man's (Astaroth) dad, Charade, doesn't like the fact that his son is homosexual. So, the dad tries to kill Necrid but keeps getting stopped by one of the co-stars, Voldo, who is also homosexual.

Siegfried and Tira were virtually alone when the movie started. Then, two idiots just had to sit behind them during the previews for upcoming movies. The two behind Tira and Siegfried were both men, possibly teenagers.

"This place is empty. Why the hell do they have to sit behind us?" Tira whispered to Siegfried.

Siegfried shrugged. "Maybe because they are idiots."

"That's a possibility."

The one of the boys behind Tira tapped his finger on her shoulder. She turned around and glared at him. One of the boys had a face covered in zits. The other boy had a black hat on his head.

"What do you want?" She asked coldly.

"Are your breasts real?" the zit face asked.

"Shut up," Tira growled.

"Mind your own damn business," Siegfried added.

"Fine, whatever," black hat kid said.

The movie had just started. Astaroth just met Necrid for the first time and they were instantly in love's net. At this time, Siegfried was wrapped his arm around Tira's shoulder. Tira, in response, leaned her head onto Siegfried's shoulder. Her eyes began to get heavy. Just resting her head on the handsome man made her tired. But, the idiots behind her started to chuckle and this pissed Tira off.

"I swear on Soul Edge's eye…I will beat those twerps up they don't shut up," Tira mumbled under her breath.

"Just ignore them," Siegfried said to her. "Then, they will stop."

Surprisingly, the teenage boys left them alone…until half way through the movie. At this point in the movie, Charade has just found out about Astaroth and Necrid's little "get together" and has forbidden Astaroth from seeing Necrid ever again. The idiots behind Siegfried and Tira have just begun throwing popcorn at the back of their heads. Tira's hair was fine, due to the weird, but cool looking hat that was on her but Siegfried had a problem. Popcorn was getting stuck in his hair. To make things worse, it was buttered popcorn. Finally, he turned around and yelled at the teens.

"Will you stop that?" he asked with pure anger in his voice.

"We're just having fun," zit face answered.

"Yeah! Fun!" black hat said.

Tira slowly turned around and gave the I'm-going-to-kill-you stare.

"I give you little twerps 5 seconds to get up and run out of here…" She said in her creepy, emo voice.

"Why should we?" zit face answered.

Tira pulled out her ring blade and demonstrated what she was going to do to them by cutting a seat in half. "That's what's going to happen if you don't get the hell out of here!"

The two boys ran out of there without saying another word. Siegfried looked at her with astonishment.

"You are one scary woman…and I'm getting turned on by that," He said so quietly that Tira couldn't hear.

Tira sat back down and they enjoyed the rest of the movie. In the end, Charade confronts the two lovers on a cliff that was over the ocean. Using the power of love, Necrid and Astaroth were able to distract him and push him off the cliff. The two lovers got married and went off in a carriage drawn by two white horses.

"That movie was pretty good," Tira said as they exited the theater. "No wonder it became shut a blockbuster."

"I must agree it was pretty good," Siegfried admitted. "But I don't understand the name. There were no references to apple pie or pie in general."

* * *

Siegfried pulled the car up behind the yellow rusty piece of junk known as Nightmare's car at about 10: 55 PM. He parked the car. Both he and Tira stepped out of the car at the same time. Tira slammed the door and looked over at Xianghua and Kilik's campsite. A giant smoldering fireball was just outside their tent.

"There's something you don't see everyday," Tira said to herself.

Siegfried walked over with Tira to the front of her tent.

"Well…here we are," Tira said with a cute little smile on her face.

"Yeah…" Siegfried said. "I had a fun time."

"Me too."

The two looked into each other's eyes. Tira and Siegfried began to lean forward. But just before their lips even made contact, the tent opened up and out came Nightmare flailing arms about in the arm and yelling like a madman. Both Tira and Siegfried screamed. Tira stayed put but Siegfried went to his car and got the hell away from there.

"Oh, hello Tira!" Nightmare greeted. "How was your…gulp…date?"

"Er…it was OK. But every time we tried to kiss we were interrupted." Tira said with no malice or meanness in her voice.

"You didn't?" Nightmare said. Tira shook her head. Nightmare turned to side quickly and said, "Yes!"

"I'm tired," Tira said with a yawn. "I'm going to go to bed."

Just as Tira was walking over to the tent's opening, Nightmare placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Tira," he said. Little did Tira know, Nightmare was blushing bright red underneath his armor.

"What is it Nighty?" Tira asked cocking her head to the side.

"Um…they're is something I want to tell…Er…I mean show you."

"What is it?"

"I…Um…"

Without any warning, Nightmare pulled Tira close to his body and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. He pulled back only to find Tira looking at him with wide eyes.

"Um…see you back in the tent," Nightmare said before running into the tent.

Tira stood absolutely still for a few minutes. She placed a few fingers on her lips and was surprised to find that she was blushing and smiling.

* * *

**A/N: I like that ending! I don't care what you people say, it's cute. Go Nighty and Tira! Anyway, thanks for reading and please review. I will love any comments that you make about the story and I will take any constructive criticism.**


	10. Gnomes are Scary

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cast of Soul Calibur. Namco does!**

* * *

Nightmare was up unusually early the next day. Suprisingly enough, when he got up he didn't wake up Tira. Instead of doing what he usually did and wake her up, he let her sleep. He stepped outside the tent. A bird in a nearby tree was chriping rather loudly. Nightmare gritted his teeth and tried to resist the urge to kill it. But, being the Nightmare we know asnd love, he threw the neighbors cooler, which he stole, at the bird.

"CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO THINK?!" Nightmare yelled at the bird.

Instead of the cooler hitting the bird, it dodged, flew towards Nightmare at break neck speed and attempted to claw his eyes out. Nightmare ran around blindly, flailing his arms about and yelling for help.

"Someone! Get this beast off me! AHHHHHH!!"

He felled to the ground with the bird still attacking him. The bird gave up and flew away. Since his helmet was super tough and big, his eyes were saved.

Nightmare got up and looked over at the neighbors tent. The fire ball that he ordered for them (as a joke) the day before was still there and was beginning to make a crater in the earth. Nightmare giggled and walked quietly over to the neighbors. He was hungry and thought that stealing food from the neighbors was better than using the food he brought. I don't know, he just thought it was more satisifing or something.

He looked around, all that was outside was the smoldering fire ball. Nightmare smiled and took long strides to the cooler. He slowly opened the lid. Then, being the crazy person she is, Xianghua appeared in between the cooler and Nightmare. Nightmare freaked out and backed away.

"Hiya, neighbor!" Xianghua said in her bright and bubblily mood.

"For Soul Edge's sake! What the hell is your problem?!" Nightmare bellowed.

"I saw you kiss that girl last night," Xianghua said with a sly smile.

"No I- Wait, you saw me kiss Tira?" Xianghua nodded. "Why the hell were you spying on us?!"

"I always spy on my neighbors. Like at home, nobody lives in the houses next to us because of me!"

"You must feel awfully proud about that," Nightmare said, with sarcasm.

"But, now I get it. You like her!"

Nightmare blushed. "No I don't!...Maybe a little..."

Xianghua looked at him with a brow raised.

"Fine..." Nightmare muttered. "I like her a lot..."

"I can't hear you..."

"I like her a lot," Nightmare said a little louder.

"Come again?"

"**I LIKE HER A LOT**!!" Nightmare shouted, making the earth shake withing a 3 mile radius. Nightmare looked nervously around, making sure he didn't wake Tira up.

"Ha! I knew it!" Xianghua said.

"Please don't tell anyone..." Nightmare muttered.

"I won't, but I'll give you advice,."

_'Oh great...I'm getting dating advice from a crazy person...'_ Nightmare thought to himself.

"I say you should tell her you like her before someone else gets her," Xianghua advised.

Nightmare was shocked. She actually said something intelligent. Nightmare ran up to Xianghua and shook her hand.

"Thank you!" Nightmare said happily.

"Oh, I also wanted to ask you," Xianghua said.

"What is it?" Nightmare asked.

"Kilik and I are going on a nature hwalk. Do you want to come?"

Nightmare didn't even have to think about it. "Sure!"

"Alright! We'll leave in a little bit. Make sure you get Tira up."

Xianghua skipped away. Nightmare walked over to the tent and looked into it. Tira was still sleeping. She was hugging her old teddy bear tightly in her arms.

Nightmare walked in and gently shook Tira's shoulder.

"Tira...Wake up," he whispered.

"No mom...I don't want to go to school..." she said, still sleeping.

"Tira...Theres a dead body outside," Nightmare whispered.

Tira's eyes shot open and she sat up quickly.

"Where?!"

"You just missed it," Nightmare said to her.

She glared at him and hit him with her teddy bear.

"Why did you have to wake me up?" she growled.

"Because, we're going on a nature walk with the neighbors."

Tira tilted her head. "Why the hell did you agree to that?"

"Because! We had nothing to do today."

Tira thought about it for a moment. "You have a point."

"Now, get ready! We're leaving in a little bit."

Tira stretched and got up. Nightmare was still sitting in there.

"You know...I can't change with you in here," Tira said.

"You could pretend I'm not here," Nightmare said, blushing under his armor.

Tira's eyes narrowed. "That's perverted...And no."

"I'll hide under a blanket."

Tira pointed at the exit of the tent. Nightmare shrugged and crawled out.

_'It was worth a try,_' He said to himself.

Five mintues later, Tira walks out in her SCIV outfit. (A/N: I like this outfit a lot so I always use it.) Nightmare and Tira walked over to the neighbors tent. They say down at the picnic table. No one was there. Or so they thought. Xianghua jumped out of nowhere and scared the two. Tira jumped into Nightmare's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Nightmare blushed and a smile came across his face.

_'Heh...Oh yeah,'_ He said to himself.

"Hello neighbors!" Xianghua said cheerfully.

"Will you stop that?!" Tira shouted.

"Tira..." Nightmare said quietly.

"What?"

"You're on my lap..."

Tira blushed and got off of Nightmare. Kilik came out of the tent and waved in a dorky fashion.

"Hello!" Kilik greeted. "Are guys ready?"

Tira and Nightmare nodded slowly. Kilik gave the thumbs up. The two got up.

"So...Where are we going?" Tira asked.

"We're just going to walk around the walk...in the woods," Kilik said.

"Aren't you guys excited?!" Xianghua added cheerfully.

"We're estatic about it," Tira mumbled sarcatically.

"That's great!" Xianghua smiled. "Let's go!"

With Kilik and Xianghua leading the way, Tira and Nightmare followed. After two hours of walking, they decided to take a break.

"How big is this freakin' lake?" Tira asked while she sat down on a rock.

"Well...We are two hours into it...I say we're only trekked about one-forth of the lake," Kilik calculated.

Tira's jaw dropped. "You're kidding?"

Kilik shook his head. Tira rolled her eyes.

"Come on! We're burning daylight! Let's go!" Xianghua said.

Another two hours later, they are only half way around the lake. They decided to take a break.

Tira was sitting down on another rock. Nightmare was looking out at the water. Xianghua walked over to Nightmare and whispered in his ear.

"Go talk a walk with her. I can buy time and distract Kilik-chan."

Nightmare looked at her. "Um...OK then."

Xianghua went over to Kilik and began to have a converstaion with. Nightmare went over to Tira.

"Hey Nighty," Tira greeted.

"Hi Tira," Nightmare said, his knees shaking. His face was turning bright red and very warm. "Can we go for a walk?"

"Sure," Tira answered.

She got up and the two wandered away from Kilik and Xianghua. The duo were going deeper and deeper into the forest.

The two were quiet for a littlle while. Tira looked at her friend and tilted her head.

"Nighty? Why did you want to go on this walk?" She asked.

He looked into her violet eyes. He always liked looking into them.

"I-I wanted to t-t-tell you something," Nightmare stammered.

"What is it?" Tira asked, her eyes getting wider.

"Tira, I lo-"

"**WHO GOES THERE**?!" A voice bellowed, interupting Nightmare.

A group of very short men wearing pointy red hats and having cloud-like beards walked out of the bushes. They only stood at about Tira's knee.

"Awww...They're so cute!" Nightmare cooed to the little people.

One of them walked up to Nightmare, jumped up and bit his deformed hand.

"OW!" Nightmare yelped and placed his other hand on the deformed claw.

One little guy with a very long beard walked out and stood in front of the two.

"We are the gnomes of the forest!" Long beard said. "I am the leader. My real name can only be called by my people but you humans can call me...Tim."

Tira rolled her eyes. "Isn't there a garden for you to protect?"

"Or a travel agency to advertise?" Nightmare added.

Tim grabbed a walking stick and hit both Tira and Nightmare over the head with it.

"Don't tread on us," Tim growled. "From here on, you two are our prisioners!"

The rest of the gnomes yelled in agreement.

"You will do our chores, cook our food and sell our merchandise," Tim said.

"YEAH!!" The gnomes agreed.

"Merchandise?" Nightmare repeated.

"Merchandise!" Tim bellowed as he hit Nightmare over the head again.

"How the hell can some annoying twerps have merchandising?" Tira asked.

"You know them little lawn gnomes that sit out in people's lawns?" Tim asked. The two nodded. "Well...we make them in our factory that's in the woods. Since we are small, people don't take us easily. So then, we have to sell them to Seong Mi-na's Sport Store because she's the only one who would sell them. Since she sells them, we don't get full profit and that angers us."

Growls were heard from the gnomes. Tira and Nightmare were annoyed now.

"Are you kidding?" Tira asked.

"We are not going to be your prisioners!" Nightmare snarled.

"Then we will use force," Tim said.

The little gnomes each had a pointy spear that was as tall as Nightmare. Since they were unarmed, Tira and Nightmare made the best decision they could think; get the hell away from the crazy, evil gnomes.

The two ran the way they came with the gnomes following. They zoomed past Kilik and Xianghua and jumped into the lake.

"What are you doing?!" Xianghua asked.

"Swimming away from the gnomes!" Nightmare yelled back.

"Gnomes?" Kilik repeated. "There are no gnomes."

"Um...Kilik, turn around." Xianghua answered quietly.

Kilik turned around and saw hundreds of angry gnomes carrying pointed spears running towards them.

"Should we run?" Xianghua asked calmly.

"Yes..."

The happy couple ran to the lake, jumped in and swam after Tira and Nightmare. The gnomes stayed at bay.

"Let them swim..." Tim said. "We will get them eventually. But, now...who wants a cookie?!"

"YEAH!!" the gnomes cheered as they walked back into the forest.

* * *

After getting back and drying themselves off, Tira and Nightmare sat in there tent.

"So...what was it you wanted to tell me?" Tira asked with a wide eyed expression.

Nightmare looked at her. Little did she know, his face was turning a bright shade of red.

"Um...I forgot," Nightmare answered quietly.

"Oh...OK then," Tira answered.

Nightmare looked away and bit his lip. _'Damn! Should I tell her?'_


	11. Serenading Miss Tira

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. And I don't own the song I used in this one either.**

**A/N: You may have noticed that I changed the genre of this story from Humor/Parody to Humor/Romance. Why? Well, since the way things have been going with Nightmare and Tira, I thought it was wise to switch it. But that was just my judgment...Anyways, the ending for this series is drawing nearer and nearer after each chapter. I'm angry because this series is a lot of fun to write. But, enough of me rambling. Enjoy this new addition to "Camping is Funner with Friends"!**

* * *

The next morning, Tira got up early. Being hungry, she walked over to the neighbors and tried to steal some food. Sadly, both Kilik and Xianghua were up. Tira walked over to the neighbors to see why they were up so early. When she got there, she saw Kilik with his ear pressed hard onto the radio. Xianghua was right behind him, nagging in his ear.

"What is it saying? What is it saying?!" Xianghua repeated like an annoying little kid.

"Shh!" Kilik hushed her up. "If you don't shut up then I can't hear what it's saying!"

"Um...Hey," Tira butted in. "What's up?"

"SHHH!!" Kilik and Xianghua said in unison.

"We're listening to the news!" Xianghua said.

"But only crazy old people and 30-year olds who live in their parents' basements listen to the news on radio," Tira said.

"No they don't!" Kilik said defensively.

"Tira!" Nightmare roared as he came out of the tent."I thought you were going to steal the waffles from the-"

Nightmare stormed over to the trio. He noticed Kilik and Xianghua and stopped himself.

"I thought you were going to steal some waffles from the...the.... fish."

"Quiet!" Xianghua hushed.

"Um....What's going on?" He asked.

"SHHH!!!" Kilik and Xianghua said with one finger over their mouths.

Nightmare looked at Tira. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. They're trying to listen to the news," Tira whispered to him.

"I thought only crazy old people and 30-year olds who live in their parents' basement listen to the news on radio?" Nightmare asked.

"Quiet!" Kilik growled. "The news on now!"

Kilik turned the volume knob up so everyone could here what the reporter was saying.

"Hello," The reporter greeted. "This is reporter who has better looks, pay and dog than you Mr. Seamore Butts-"

"That's a perfect name for that ass-"Nightmare mumbled to Tira.

"Today, we have news of a duo that broke out of the maximum security prison. One is man by the name of Raphael Sorel. He was arrested for accusations of pedophilia. And also, a Miss Hildegard Von Krone broke out with Mr. Sorel. She was charged for beating up her defenseless boyfriend. The duo is dangerous and well armed. If you have any information on where these two are at, please call the Soul Calibur COPS at this number..."

The four looked at each other with their jaws dropped.

"I told you he was a pedophile!" Nightmare shouted. He then began to do his victory dance. Tira threw a log at him and got him in the head. He fell down to the ground and just lay there.

"This just in," Seamore said frantically. "Radioactive badgers have broken out of a maximum security lab and are plotting to take over the world!! Ahem...Call the local animal control or nuclear powered animal control if you see these creatures."

"Radioactive badgers?!" Nightmare yelped frantically as he got up from the ground. "I thought they were just a myth!"

"Apparently not," Kilik said as he turned off the radio.

"Well....I think the news has got dumber," Tira scowled.

"No it isn't!" Xianghua said defensively. "The news is almighty!"

"But there is no such thing as radioactive badgers!" Tira exclaimed.

"Yes they are!" Nightmare shouted. "Ever heard of the story of the crazy scientist on an uncharted island?"

"No," Tira said quietly. "And I don't want to find out."

"Anyway," Kilik butted in. "Now, we have to keep an eye out for the evil lawn gnomes, two crazy inmates who escaped prison, and radioactive badgers."

"But how Kilik-chan?" Xianghua asked.

Kilik stood still. Everyone else was eagerly waiting for an answer.

"Well?" Tira said quietly.

"I have no idea what to do," Kilik finally answered. The three groaned in response.

"Isn't that just great," Tira said sarcastically. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go sit in the tent."

"And I'm going to go into my tent and hatch up a plan!" Kilik announced.

The two went to their tents. This left Nightmare and Xianghua alone.

"Did you ask her yet?" Xianghua asked unexpectedly.

Nightmare, completely caught off guard, blushed.

"N-no!" Nightmare stuttered.

"Then when are you going to?!"

"I don't know! How should I "sweep her off her feet"?"

"...You really want my advice?" Xianghua asked, shocked by Nightmare's need for advice.

Nightmare nodded.

"Okay then! Here's a perfect idea for you!" Xianghua said cheerfully as she grabbed Nightmare's claw-arm thing. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Now listen....."

* * *

Later that day, the sun became a full moon. The moon glowed down on the earth below. Tira hadn't left the tent all day, giving Xianghua time to perfect her idea on how Nightmare should sweep Tira off her feet.

"Crazy chick!" Nightmare whispered harshly. "This outfit is itching! When can I take it off?"

"Not till your done with the plan!"

"But it itches!"

"SHUT UP!!!!!"

Nightmare's eyes widened and he sat quietly. The two were hiding behind a bush near Nightmare and Tira's tent.

"Okay! Now go out there and woo her!"

"But this outfit is ridiculous!"

"Quit complaining and do it!"

Xianghua shoved Nightmare out of the bush. He was now in front of the tent. What he had on is something no man would want to wear. He had on an obnoxious matador costume that was covered in glitter and sequins. Nightmare, when he first saw the outfit, thought that it probably belonged to Kilik.

"I don't know what to say!" Nightmare hissed at Xianghua.

"Don't worry! I have it under control! Yo Tira! There's a group of children tainted by Soul Edge who want to be hosts to the sword!"

In no time, Tira ran out of the tent. She looked around, her eyes full of excitement.

"Hello children!" She said in her creepy, demented jester voice. "Here's the applications for-Oh its you…Hi Nighty."

Nightmare looked at Tira. His knees were shaking violently and, underneath his armor, his face was glowing bright red. All Nightmare could do was wave slowly at her. Tira walked over to Nightmare and looked closely at his outfit.

"Why do you look like you're about to do some bullfighting or something of that nature?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes.

Nightmare tried the best he could to try to think of something intelligent to say. But, being the lovable idiot he is, he couldn't think of anything and just stood there shaking. Tira rolled her eyes.

"I'm…going back to the tent if that's okay," She said as she turned her back at him.

Xianghua slapped her forehead.

"Nightmare!" She hissed. "I'll start the music, you start singing!"

"Hey!" Nightmare hissed back. "I'm not-"

"Nightmare," Tira said as she looked back at him, her eyes narrow slits. "Who or what are you talking to?"

Before Nightmare could answer, Xianghua started the radio that was right next to her. The instrumental version of the song, "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" by Rod Stewart, starts playing. Nightmare, remembering all the intense vocal training Xianghua gave him just a few hours ago, begins singing. Tira stands still and listens to Nightmare, eyes wide.

"She sits alone waiting for suggestions  
He's so nervous avoiding all her questions  
His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding  
Don't you just know exactly what they're thinking?

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy  
Come on, sugar, let me know  
If you really need me just reach out and touch me  
Come on, honey, tell me so"

Tira sits down on a near by stump and continues to watch Nightmare with a cute little smile on her face. Xianghua, still sitting behind a bush is smiling like the crazy person she is.

"Hey, Xianghua," Kilik whispered behind her, scaring her out of her wits. "What are you doing?"

Xianghua screamed, not knowing who was talking to her. "That's my purse! I don't know you!"

"What are talking about Xian-"

Before Kilik could finish his sentence, Xianghua throws a huge block of lead at him. The lead hit Kilik on the head and knocked him unconscious. Xianghua looked down at the now unconscious Kilik realizing she just knocked out her fiancé.

"Opps…Sorry, honey," Xianghua said innocently. "You know better than to sneak up on me. Especially when I'm trying to get the neighbors to fall in love with each other."

Xianghua looked back at Nightmare and Tira. Tira was still sitting on the stump with a smile on her face. She clearly was entertained by Nightmare. Nightmare, meanwhile, was onto the second verse of the song.

"He's acting shy looking for an answer  
Come on, honey, let's spend the night together  
Now hold on a minute before we go much further  
Give me a dime so I can phone my mother  
They catch a cab to his high rise apartment  
At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy  
Come on, sugar, let me know  
If you really need me just reach out and touch me  
Come on, honey, tell me so."

Nightmare held out his good hand to Tira. Tira took his hand. Nightmare pulled her up, wrapped his deformed arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his body. Tira placed her hands on his chest and gazed into his red eyes.

"His heart's beating like a drum  
'Cause at last he's got his girl home  
Relax, baby, now we are alone."

After he said that, the radio stopped playing. Xianghua looked at the radio,

"What the heck?" She said. She found a stick and began bashing the radio furiously. "Play you stupid thing! I want him to finish the song!"

"Xianghua," Kilik said tiredly as he began to sit up. "I think you're making it worse…"

Xianghua yelped and hit Kilik over the head with the stick. Kilik fell back down and was unconscious again. Xianghua looked at him.

"Sorry Kilik…You know that you shouldn't interrupt me when I'm angrily beating the radio."

Xianghua continued to beat the radio with a stick. Nightmare and Tira, on the other hand, were still in each other's arms. The two were looking lovingly into each other's eyes.

"That was so romantic Nighty…" Tira said softly. "Are you sure you weren't lip-syncing that?"

Nightmare shook his head. He was out of breath from his performance.

"I think I'm in love with you, Nighty…"

"I know I'm in love with you Tira."

"Come on. Let's go into the tent."

Nightmare nodded. He picked her up and carried her bridal style to the tent. He closed the tent up and the two probably went into a make-out session. Xianghua, who stopped the bashing the radio like an angry cave woman, looked at the tent and smiled.

"Aw…so cute!" Xianghua said cheerfully. Then she looked down at the unconscious Kilik and scowled at him. "Why aren't we ever like that?"

Kilik did not respond and continued to lie there. Xianghua rolled her eyes and went to her tent.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! Nightmare got some long awaited action! I'm happy about that. Next time, either the gnomes, radioactive badgers, or escaped prisoners come bother the campers. But who will it be? Find out next time!**


	12. Badgers Can Dance

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. Namco does.**

* * *

It was midnight and Tira and Nightmare had just finished their make-out session. Tira, fully clothed(Don't worry!), was laying on top of Nightmare on his chest. Nightmare had his good arm around Tira's waist.

"Nightmare..." Tira said, out of breath. "That was fun..."

"Yeah..." Nightmare said in the same tone. "It was..."

Tira rested her head on Nightmare's chest.

"I love you, Nighty."

"I love you, too."

The two laid quietly in the tent and closed their eyes. Then, suddenly, a scream pierced the night time air, waking the two up. Xianghua brusted into the tent. She looked like she has just seen a ghost or Algol naked.

"What's your problem?!" Tira snapped.

"Can't you see we're trying to sleep?!" Nightmare barked.

Xianghua was pointing frantically at the door. She was whimpering and couldn't say whatever she was trying to say. Tira rolled off of Nightmare and Nightmare sat up. The two glared at the crazy neighbor.

"Come on, spit it out!" Tira said angrily.

"Ba-ba-ba-ba..." Xianghua managed to get out through chattering teeth.

"Battling pumas?" Tira asked.

"Bacon sizzling?" Nightmare asked.

"Badge-badge-badge..."

"Girl scout badges?" Tira asked.

Xianghua slapped her forehead. "**RADIOACTIVE BADGERS!!!!! OUTSIDE!!!!"**

"What?!" Nightmare and Tira shouted in unison.

The two ran outside, almost knocking Xianghua over. The stood outside the tent and Xianghua staggered out to stand next to them.

Badgers were crawling all over the place. They were glowing bright greenish-yellow, pointing out the fact that they were indeed radioactive.

Kilik, who was standing on his picnic table and holding a jar of honey in the air, was trying to stab the badgers that were trying to get the jar.

"No!" Kilik yelled at the badgers. "This my last jar of honey. You will not get this jar!"

"Kilik! For Soul Calibur's sake, put that jar down!" Xianghua yelled at Kilik. "They will kill you."

"No! This is my last jar!"

He looked at one badger. The badger glared and hissed at him. Kilik screamed, dropped the jar and ran over to Xianghua and the others. He wrapped his arms around Xianghua's waist.

"It hissed at me! And took my jar of honey!"

"There, there Kilik-chan," Xianghua said comfortably. She patted his head gently. "It'll be okay."

Then, one of the badgers made a howling noise. The other badgers congregated in front of the four people and got into perfectly straight rows. The badgers got up onto their hind legs and one of them clapped. That was when the "Thriller" song played. All of the badgers, executed the dance perfectly and repeated it over and over and over. The four stand by the tent, completely creep-ed out by the badgers.

"OMG!!! They know the Thriller dance!!!!" Nightmare shouted in terror.

"That...is...scary," Tira said quietly.

"Someone! Make it stop!" Kilik said frantically.

Xianghua slapped Kilik on the top of the head. "Get a hold of yourself! Be a man and stop them!"

"Everyone into the tent!" Tira said.

The four ran into Nightmare and Tira's tent and sat on the floor. The song could still be heard through the tent.

"Okay...how are we going to get rid of the badgers?" Tira asked the question.

"I think we should send someone out there and fight the badgers," Xianghua suggested.

"Who?" Kilik asked.

"Let's draw straws!" Nightmare said cheerfully.

"We don't have straws, Nighty," Tira said.

"Yes I do!" Nightmare said. He reached into his pants and pulled out four straws. Everyone looked at him with the infamous 'wtf' look.

"Um...I'm not going to asked why you had straws down your pants." Tira mumbled.

Everyone pulled a straw from Nightmare's hand. Everyone had a long straw, except for Kilik. Nightmare, Tira and Xianghua looked at Kilik. Kilik began sweating.

"I demand a re-do!" Kilik said.

Nightmare went over to Kilik and placed a hand on his shoulder. The girls gave him a creepy smile.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Kilik asked.

"Nighty! Hold him down!" Tira commanded.

Nightmare pushed Kilik down. Kilik yelped and trembled.

Tira and Xianghua stood over him. Tira was holding a blond, curly wig and a pretty red dress with white polka dots on it. Xianghua was holding a bag of make-up.

"Oh no!" Kilik said scared out of his wits. "No! Please! My manhood is at sake!"

"What manhood?" Nightmare asked.

"Burn!" Tira added in.

The girls closed in on Kilik and did horrible stuff to him.

* * *

Five gruling minutes have past and the girls had finished what they called a master piece. Tira pulled out a little mirror and gave it to Kilik, trying not to laugh. Kilik slowly held up the mirror.

Kilik screamed at the sight of his face. The curly blond wig was on his head and itching very badly. The make up that was on his face looked as if a two year got into their mother's make-up stuff and put it on their father. Kilik looked down at his body. The red dress was on him and cute little shoes that pinched his toes.

"What the hell did you do to me?!" Kilik shrieked.

Nightmare and Tira were snickering in the corner. Xianghua went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Kilik-chan. But this is the only way to get rid of the badgers."

"Why can't you or Tira do it then?"

Nightmare grabbed the back of the dress and punted Kilik out of the tent. Kilik landed outside in front of the badgers, who were still dancing to Thriller. He looked at the tent and saw Tira poking her head out of the opening.

"Nothing personal, neighbor!" Tira shouted before going back into the tent.

"This is not funny!" Kilik shouted back.

Then, music stopped and the badgers stood in place. Kilik looked at the badgers, who were growling at him. The badgers parted away and a giant badgers, glowing a lot more brighter than the others, walked up to Kilik and sniffed him. Kilik sat still, trembling and sweating badly. The badger back away.

"Girl...." It said menacingly.

"I'm no girl!" Kilik screamed at the badger. "In fact, these pantyhose itch and make my butt looked big!"

"Girl...." More badgers chimed in.

"I'm not a girl! I'm a man! MAN!!!!!"

Kilik lifted up the skirt and ripped off the pantyhose, showing off his boxers that had little images of Soul Calibur on it. The badgers looked at the underwear. The main badger looked at the underwear, then up at Kilik.

"He-she....." It growled.

"He-she....." The others growled.

"I'm not a he-she!" Kilik shrieked.

"Then why you have blone, curly hair?" The head badger asked.

"I do not!"

"Liar! Tie he-she to tree!" The main badger commanded.

"To tree!" The other badgers repeated.

"I'm not a he-she! I'm-hey! Put me down!"

The badgers picked up Kilik and brought him to a tree. One badgers kept him place and another tied him up.

"Let us continue dance!" One badger yelled.

"**YEAH!!!!"**

The Thriller music started up again and the badgers continued their dance.

"What's taking him so long?" Tira asked.

The three were sitting in the comfort and safety of the tent.

"I don't know, but why did the music start up again?" Xianghua said looking around anxiously.

Nightmare shrugged. "Maybe he beated them and he's just dancing."

A paper airplane flew into the tent and landed in Nightmare's eye. Nightmare yelped and pulled the paper out.

"You stupid paper!" He yelled at the paper. "I will-!"

"Nighty!" Tira stopped him before he crumpled the paper. "Maybe there is a message on it."

Nightmare mumbled something and opened up the paper. There was very neat, cursive handwriting written on the paper.

"Um...is this Kilik's handwriting?" Tira asked Xianghua.

"No. Kilik-chan usually writes like a five year old." Xianghua answered.

"What does it say?" Tira asked Nightmare.

Nightmare investigated the paper and turned it up-side down. "Beats me. I never learned how to read."

"Are you serious?" Tira growled.

"Naw! I'm just kidding. It says 'We have captured the he-she. Bring us a chocolate cake and we will set the he-she free.' Then there's a giant paw print on it and something that's looks like spit."

"They captured my Kilik-chan!" Xianghua cried. "Kilik! I'm so sorry!"

Tira slapped Xianghua across the face. "Get a hold of yourself! Now...how are we going to save your demented boyfriend?"

"We can send you out naked, Tira," Nightmare suggested.

"What good would that do?" Tira asked with a brow raised.

"Beats me, but it will make me happy!" Nightmare chuckled at the end. He received a good punch in the face and fell onto his back unconscious.

"But in all seriousness, what can we do?" Tira asked.

"I can go out there and sing," Xianghua said.

"What would that do?"

"Trust me, I've scared many people off from my singing!" Xianghua said cheerfully.

"Um...okay then. Go out there and sing badly!"

Xianghua went out side and stood in front of the tent. The badgers were still doing the dance. Kilik was tied to the tree, kicking and screaming. Xianghua opened her mouth and began singing a "DoReMi" scale in a tone-deaf fashion. Nightmare, who had just woke up, placed his hands over on the armor where his ears are suppose to be.

"Ah!!! It sounds like a bloody dog whistle!" Nightmare complained loudly.

Tira put on earplugs and couldn't hear a thing.

Unfortunately, the badgers seem to like the tone-deaf music and cheered Xianghua. Then, one badgers grabbed her and brought her to the tree Kilik was. She was tied up next to her boyfriend.

"Well...I tried," Xianghua sighed.

"That was a lovely song, Xianghua," Kilik said romantically.

"Thank you, Kilik-chan!"

"Great...now it's only us Nighty. Any bright ideas?"

The two sat quietly, waiting for an idea to get rid of the radioactive badgers. Nightmare snapped his fingers, assuming he had and idea.

"Tira! Fetch the war paint!"

"Why?"

"Hohoho...You'll see my precious servant. You'll see."

* * *

The badgers were still dancing to the Thriller song. Kilik and Xianghua were asleep, still tied to the tree.

"Tira...you ready?"

"You know I am!"

Then, the two warriors ran out of the tent. Both Nightmare and Tira had red paint on their faces, or armor in Nightmare's case. Tira had her Eiserne Drossel in hand; Nightmare had Soul Edge in hand. Nightmare held Soul Edge high in the air and Tira got into her Jolly fighting stance. The two did their war cry. The badgers stopped dancing and looked at the two "warriors" with a puzzled look.

"What heck?" One badger said.

"Attack!" Nightmare yelled.

The two did their battle cry one more time and charged past the badgers. The badgers were no even more confused. Nightmare and Tira went to the bushes and searched fiercely.

"Nightmare?" Tira asked.

"What is it Tira?"

"What the hell are we looking for?"

"I don't know!"

Tira ran to the next bush and stubbed her toe on something. She bit her lip and fell onto her butt.

"What the hell?!"

Nightmare ran over to her and helped her up.

"What happened?"

"There's something hard in this bush."

Nightmare chopped off half the bush with Soul Edge and saw something. It was a large stereo system that was playing the Thriller music.

"They spot the music maker! Get 'em!"

The badgers charged at Nightmare and Tira.

"I get it!" Tira said and began smashing the stereo system with the ring blade.

Nightmare joined in and began smashing the stereo system too. The badgers stopped in their tracks and plugged their ears.

"No! Music maker bye-bye! We must flee! FLEE!!!!"

The badgers were screaming and crawled over to the lake. The badgers went to the lake and submerged themselves. The water let off a faint yellow-greenish glow and fish floated up to the water's surface.

When the stereo system was demolished, there was only one more badger left and it was the head badger.

"We come back and bring more. Like those damn gnomes..." The head badger growled before going to the lake and submereging himself.

Tira dropped her weapon and flung herself onto Nightmare.

"That was fun, Nighty!" She said before she gave a kiss on the cheek.

"I know. We should scare off badgers and wear war paint more often!"

The two went into their tent and shut the opening. Leaving Kilik and Xianghua still tied to the tree.

"Um...hello?" Xianghua asked. "Is anyone out here? Can you untie us?"

"I think they're having another make out session," Kilik said with dismay in his voice.

The two were quiet. Xianghua turned her head to Kilik. "Why don't we ever have make out sessions anymore?"

Kilik sighed and remained quiet for the rest of the night.


End file.
